Noshville (Nashville)

Noshville
1918 Broadway
Nashville, TN
615.329.6674 (NOSH)

I'd seen my friends on Facebook happily checking into Noshville and praising its food, but I'd never really looked into it. As we made our way back to Memphis from two and a half weeks on the road, we knew we would have lunch in Nashville and Warren said, "I don't want to eat anymore hippie food." Since we already hit the trendy new burger place on our way north, I decided we should give Noshville a try. "A New York deli in Nashville? Why would I want to eat there?" was Warren's response when I mentioned it. As I scrambled to find somewhere else, he seemed even more insulted. "Why are you looking for another restaurant? I thought we were going to Noshville!" he cried.

If I learned anything in two and a half weeks on the road it was not to upset the driver.



There are actually four Noshvilles in Nashville, and I didn't know if there was one that was better than the others, so I blindly led us to the Midtown location. We live in Midtown Memphis, so I assumed/hoped Midtown Nashville would be just as happening.

Inside, it was really cute. (Although the lighting did not agree with my camera.) There was a deli case stocked full of treats, meats and cheeses. Sodas were lined up all around.



There was a cool old school diner vibe. I loved the look of the booths and bars and stools.



It was sort of between normal lunch and dinner hours, so it was a tad slow. Our waitress brought over menus and, since they were quite extensive, I asked if we could have a few minutes. As she walked away I wondered if the staff was required to dress like they were Jewish (and living in 1950s Brooklyn) or if Noshville just attracted homely Jewish-looking people looking to wait tables. (To be fair to our waitress she only appeared to be TRYING to look homely.)

Anyway!

Since the kids' menus were coloring sheets, they immediately started coloring and offered little in the way of what they wanted to eat. Actually Satchel had requested we lunch somewhere that served hot dogs, so he was somewhat covered.



Jiro eventually agreed to eat a grilled cheese, which he hardly ever actually eats, but I went with it. Meanwhile, Warren had gone to the restroom and had come back reporting that there was a pickle bar on the way. When our waitress came back, I told her we still weren't ready, that we'd been in the car all day, and that I was sorry. Oh and could we have some pickles? She quickly brought over a giant sampler.



Warren was totally in love with Noshville now. He declared he was going "full Jew" and getting a liverwurst sandwich. I pointed out the half sandwich, half soup option to Warren and we both decided to go with that so we could have some matzoh ball soup. Now that we had decided our waitress was no where in sight.

She did eventually find her way back to us, we placed our order, and then a few minutes later she introduced us to our new waiter. I thought I must have really insulted her or something, but it was just a shift change.

The kids' drinks came in little plastic "kids club" cups. Apparently the kids club members get free griddle cakes on weekends with the purchase of a drink. (Adult purchase necessary.)



Some online comments I read indicated that Noshville breakfast is pretty popular so I like that kids can eat free.

Our soup came out right away and it looked delicious.



Warren agreed to share with Satchel, but after he accidentally spilled some, Warren rescinded his offer. (In Satchel's defense, the bowl was between him and Warren and they both really wanted it all to themselves.) Satchel sat there looking super sad until I could stand it no longer. I sent my soup over for him to eat.



A few minutes later, Jiro, finally looking up from his coloring sheet, said, "I want soup!" By now it was clear that we were probably going to need another bowl. I instructed Satchel to share with Jiro and asked our waiter for another bowl.



Before we could get through the third bowl, the rest of our food came out. I don't think I'd ever actually seen Liverwurst before.



Warren tried really hard to get me to taste it but I flatly refused. Besides, I had a roast beef sandwich to polish off.



I was really glad that we weren't on our first date because the combination of Liverwurst, red onion, and pickles surely made for some funky breath.

On to the kids' meals. Satchel's hot dog was, uh, very well endowed and came with smiley fries.



Jiro's grilled cheese looked buttery and delicious. He ate a few bites before starting role playing with the smiley fries.



Soon both Satchel and Jiro were obsessed with the smiley fries. Satchel, who plagued me with the game "Would you rather" for our entire trip, asked, "Would you rather have your eyes eaten or your mouth?" I can only assume that I was to pretend to either be a smiley faced fry or imagine some monster eating part of my head. "Neither!" I replied.

Since the kids' meals had little to no nutritional value, I ordered them a side of the vegetable of the day. It was a limp selection of frozen broccoli, cauliflower, and carrot. Boo.



We couldn't even convince Warren to eat them.

All in all, I'd say it was good. If we lived in Nashville, I'm pretty sure we'd want to try the breakfast and desserts and surely the kids would clamor for more soup. At the very least, I'd go back for dinner and have a He'brew.

Finally, I'd like to note that styrofoam is widely used, but on the plus side, there is a changing table in the women's restroom.

Greenlight Market & Deli (Nashville)

Greenlight Market and Deli
2905 12th Ave South, Suite #104
Nashville, TN 37204
(615) 298-1600

If you go get a popsicle at Las Paletas, chances are you'll want to eat something more substantial before or after. There's a really cute place nearby called Burger Up that had the locals lining up around the block. If that's the case when you are there, go down a few doors to the Greenlight Market and Deli. It's a little shop that specializes in local foods.

Once we saw the Nashville-brewed My Booch kombucha on the shelf we knew we'd stumbled upon a gem.



The market has a $10 lunch special that includes a sandwich, a bag of chips, and some tea (brewed in house or you can get kombucha off the shelf) for $10. Warren and I each opted to get the special. Chicken salad for him and a veggie sandwich for me.



The little bit of goat cheese in the veggie sandwich made it oh so yummy. The chicken salad wasn't anything special in the taste department, but all of the ingredients were fresh, local, and tasty which made up for the lack of over the top deliciousness.

There wasn't really anything that appealed to the monkeys here--it's a pretty hipster-ish spot--except for the chips. We purchased up a loaf of locally baked bread for them to nibble on should they starve before our next stop. And I also agreed to get a box of locally distributed (not sure about manufactured) Monkey Brains oatmeal. And there was no way I was leaving without a couple of Olive & Sinclair locally made chocolate bars. They had all of the varieties, but I chose Salt & Pepper and Mexican Chocolate.

The Greenlight is definitely worth a look if you are in the hood. (Tip--the menu is posted way up high on a chalkboard. When you walk in, look up. I didn't see it at first and make a dope out of myself when I asked, "Do you have a menu?")

They also have really nice & clean bathrooms. Just sayin.

Kwik Shop Grill

Kwik Shop Grill
711 East Parkway
552-3690

I've been in a convenience store kind of mood. I did a piece for the current issue of Edible Memphis, Well isn't that convenient, that lists my faves. The Kwik Shop Grill, which recently burnt down and got rebuilt, was under construction when I did the story. Since I have always heard they have good burgers and the monkeys (Satchel, 7, and Jiro, 5) love burgers, I decided to take them last night.

Warren picked them up from school since I had a meeting. When I got home I discovered they had both eaten a bowl of rice and a bowl of cereal. Thinking they wouldn't be hungry, I almost called it off. However, they assured me that they were still hungry enough to eat a hamburger. Honestly, I was hungry enough to eat three hamburgers, so I didn't care if they actually ate or not, as long as they didn't climb the walls.

Dining with monkeys in convenience stores poses a few problems. Namely, you have to walk past shelves full of sugary drinks, chips and candy to get to the counter. Kwik Shop Grill is no exception. A shelf of Doritos about three feet inside the door at the monkeys' eye level greeted us upon arrival. I went ahead and instructed them to pick out a bag each. (They couldn't be any worse than fries, right?) It wasn't like we were about to have a healthy meal or anything.


They each handed me their bags and then took a seat in a booth by the window. I scanned the store. There were two people working the grill and one person playing on his phone, presumably waiting for his food to be ready. There were about eight tables in all, two large booths, and one small booth. A soda fountain in the middle of the store visually separated the grill area from the store area. I glanced at the large menu board above the grill, noted that burgers were $2.99, and asked each monkey what they wanted on theirs.

"I want cheese, pickles, and sausages on mine," said Jiro. I love how he calls the burger itself "sausages."

"Ketchup too?" I clarified. He nodded. "Satchel?"

"Ketchup and pickles," he said. "And sausages," he added, laughing.

I decided to get a grilled chicken pita because I imagined it would be similar to the one I ate almost every day at the JCC over the summer. (Bach's catering ran the concession stand.) I went for a combo so that I could try the fries and get a drink for us to share. After placing my order with a nice man at the counter, I stood there for a few minutes, expecting to pay. "I'll take your money when I'm done, lady," the nice man said. (He really did say it in a nice way. There was definitely a language barrier.)


I joined the monkeys at the table and commanded them to share their Doritos with me. "I need water!" Satchel moaned, his lips coated in orange, cheesy powder. I walked back to the grill and asked the other guy (the first guy disappeared) if I could just go ahead and get my drink. He kind of laughed and said yes. Then I said, "Water too?" He laughed and nodded. I guess I appeared mildly stupid but funny to him. I was just checking!

I was about to ask which size drink came with the combo when I realized that all of the (styrofoam) cups were the same size--20 oz. I filled one with water for Satchel and one with Diet Coke for me and Jiro to share. (When did I start letting my kids drink soda?) There was only one lid, so I put it on Satchel's cup and asked if there were any behind the counter. The guy that thought I was stupid said he'd have the other guy get some in a minute. Jiro asked for a sip of my "Diet Dr. Coffee" which was pretty funny. Maybe that's why I let him drink soda.

While we waited for the lid and our food, several more people came in to both pick up and place orders. Between dropping Doritos on the floor, the monkeys quizzed me. "How do they plug that in?" they asked, motioning to a sign plugged into an outlet in the ceiling. We argued whether a ladder could fit next to the booth or whether either of the men working would be tall enough to reach if they stood on our table. Next Satchel told me about the perioDICK table they had in their classroom. (His friend, Theo told him how to pronounce that.)

The nice man hollered that our food was ready, so I grabbed my wallet and went to retrieve it. I was impressed with how big the burgers were. My sandwich looked filling too, but the fries were not very pretty. They looked like they had been cooked a few hours earlier then re-dipped. I tried to pay, but the man said, "Eat! Eat!" So I grabbed the three (styrofoam) plates and sat back down.


Jiro picked up his giant burger and went to town. Satchel grabbed half of my fries and went to town on them despite their lackluster appearance. I dug right into my grilled chicken pita. I was starved! My pita definitely had some grilled chicken deliciousness going on. The pita was nice & thick and had been warmed on the grill just the way I like it. The lettuce, tomato, and onion "fixings" were rather blah. Iceberg lettuce, pale tomato, teeny tiny slices of raw white onion. My choices for sauce were Ranch or Honey Mustard, neither of which sounded appealing, but I got Ranch on the side. (At the JCC, the grilled chicken pita comes with hummus and tahini on it.) The lack of an exciting sauce made the sandwich rather dry and disappointing.


Jiro had about 1/3 of his hamburger left when I realized I better ask for a bite soon. The burger was actually good, especially slathered in cheese, pickles, and ketchup. The bun tasted like it had been brushed with butter and grilled, which was a nice touch. However, the patty looked like it had arrived at the store pre-made and frozen. That's a fail. However, Jiro, who had just enough ketchup on his face to look cute rather than slovenly, said, "This sure is a yummy hamburger."

Satchel finally started on his burger, much to my surprise. (I really thought the rice, cereal, chips, and fries would have filled him up.) He too declared the burger delicious and ate almost all of it in record time. We were all busy chewing so there wasn't much talking going on at our table. The guys next to us made up for it with their liberal use of the F bomb! (Since we were near the counter, I also noticed that a lot of people were ordering the fish filet and chicken filet combo.)

I had planned to take leftovers to Warren, but realizing there weren't going to be any, I went to pay and ordered him a gyro. (I know, I should have gotten him a burger.) The total came to $18 until I reminded the guy that I had two bags of Doritos, then it was $20. Not bad, not great. I did, however, like that the receipt did not come back with a tip line. Instead they had a tip jar next to the counter. (I don't like feeling like I HAVE to tip at a counter.)

I sat back down with the monkeys. Satchel was finishing up his last few bites and Jiro was annoying him by kicking him under the table. Satchel kicked back and before I knew it, they were nearing a full wrestle. Just as I started using my mean voice, the counter guy alerted me to the fact that the gyro was ready. I thanked him, grabbed the sandwich, and directed the monkeys to the door. They ignored my mean voice and played, "The ground is hot lava" on the way out, which required them to scale the booths. They conveniently landed next to the shelf with chocolatey offerings by the door. Jiro was fingering a brownie, but I firmly stated that there would be no dessert. Despite their whining, I held fast. I promised that they could have dessert at home. (Satchel chose popcorn and Jiro chose four breakfast sausages.)

When Warren got home, he said, "How was it? As good as Kwik Check [on Madison]? Where's my burger?" I told him that it was okay, but that I probably wouldn't go out of my way to eat there again. "If my car broke down nearby, maybe," I said. "And If I did, I get a burger." This did not help when I had to explain that I got him a gyro.

Panera Bread

Panera Bread
444 S Grove Park Rd. (Laurelwood Shopping Center)
767-3116

Sunday we took the monkeys to the IMAX to escape the rain. When the show was over, everyone was hungry. Jiro, who is on a burger kick, started campaigning for Wendy's or Danver's, but I managed to steer Team Oster towards the new(ish) Panera Bread in Laurelwood. I've never been to Panera Bread despite hearing good things. I wanted to do some shopping in the area, so it seemed like the perfect time to finally try it.

I was impressed by their very large patio upon parking. The monkeys immediately ran over to the fountain and started splashing around. I had to start talking about food and lure them inside before they started disrobing. "What do they have to eat here?" Satchel asked me.

"Salads, sandwiches..."

"I don't want a sandwich!" he barked grumpily. (He'd been barking all day thanks to 5.5 hours of sleep the night before at a "slumber" party.)

"...and soup," I finished.

His eyes lit up. "What kind of soup?"

It was a toss up between chicken noodle and broccoli cheddar, but he went with chicken noodle. Once I told him he could get it in a bread bowl, he was content to join Jiro over by the pastries. They both pawed at the glass and repeatedly asked when they could have a "donut."

A nice woman behind the counter was patiently waiting to take our order, but since it was our first visit, I had to politely let her know that it would be a minute. (This was code for, "Stop telling me you can help me!")

I examined the kids' menu (PB&J, ham & cheese, or grilled cheese) and told Jiro his options. He quickly chose ham & cheese. (Actually now that I have a menu and some quiet, I see that he could have also had a turkey or roast beef sandwich.) In an attempt to be helpful, Warren, who missed the previous conversation, tried to sell Jiro on the PB&J. "I already talked him into the ham & cheese!" I snapped. (I'd been snapping all day thanks to being the hostess at the "slumber" party.)

While I was snapping, the monkeys were still pawing the glass and talking about donuts.

Warren and I had plans to go to the Memphis Farmer's Market dinner at Erling Jensen's (lucky us!), so we didn't want to spoil our appetites. I suggested splitting a "Pick Two." Warren happily agreed, so I finally made my way to the register to order us a 1/2 roast beef sandwich and a bowl of summer corn chowder in addition to the kids' ham & cheese and the bread bowl of chicken noodle. I opted for waters all around sensing that this place was a bit pricier than Wendy's or Danver's. Our total was $16. Not too bad.


We went in search of a booth in which to wait for our pager to light up. It was at this time that I got a chance to take in the atmosphere. Panera Bread is very clean and new feeling. It has that corporate look that is indicative of Starbuck's, Taco Bell, etc. I'm sure every one looks pretty much the same, with just a speck of variation. (i.e. The monkeys noted that the tiled fireplace looked like their favorite board game, Blokus, which uses colored tiles.) There were plentiful seating options and quite a few people hanging out on a Sunday afternoon. There were signs for free wifi and several people were camped out with coffee and laptops.

I was told that there were water cups at the drink station, so I headed over while the boys took a seat in a nearby booth. Jiro ran after me and insisted on helping. (He also insisted on filling his tiny water cup with Sierra Mist.) The cups were #1 plastic which is recyclable in Memphis. (They aren't recycling in store, so I planned to take ours home.) I grabbed some napkins, lids, and straws and went to sit down. We could see the counter where the orders came up from our booth and I told Warren he was going to have to help me get everything since it was on real plates. They looked ceramic, but when we actually got our food, we realized they were that melamine plastic. (Yay for reusable plates that the monkeys can't break!)

We eagerly carried our food to the table and I had to forcefully yell, "Wait! Let me take pictures!" before everyone started chowing down. Jiro was super excited by his sandwich because it came with an organic yogurt tube. That kid LOVES yogurt tubes. (The meal actually looked kind of sad on the big plate, but he was not sad one bit.) Satchel was equally thrilled with his bread bowl of soup. This did not stop him from trying to eat my soup, however. Warren and I had a nice big bowl of some badass corn chowder to share, and the 1/2 sandwich was rockin, and a good size, but I think we could have both easily eaten the whole half, so sharing was a bummer. Jiro offered Warren half of his sandwich (he had his eye on the prize--a "donut") which was sweet. Satchel also shared his soup and bread bowl with us once he got his fill. Warren noted that you could scoop out the soup and a bit of the soft bread inside and it was like eating chicken and dumplings. Yum. Watching Satchel devour the whole thing was rather frightening and definitely pushed the limits of "good manners," but he loved it.

"This is so good, I can't stop eating it," Satchel said. "I could just eat this all day," he continued. "I wish I could eat the plate too," he went on. And on. And on.

My favorite comments came from Warren. "I need to make some bread," he said. "And I bet I could make this corn chowder too."

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Before letting the monkeys pick out a treat from the bakery display, I made a quick trip to the bathroom. It was pretty nice--just a few paper towels littering the floor--and the handicap stall had a changing table. Thumbs up.

Back at the bakery, the monkeys were breathing on the glass deciding what to get. Jiro got the hugest cinnamon roll ever and Satchel got "bogels" whatever that means. (He chose them based on their appearance. They look like donut holes.) Dessert set us back another $4. Not bad at all. We were given our treats in a paper bag, which is another thumbs up.

We'll be back.

Bagel Company of Memphis (Closed)

From the 10/13/10 CA: The Bagel Company has gotten a facelift, changed its name to City East Bagel and Grille, and is now also open for dinner 5 to 9 p.m. Sunday through Thursday (and available for parties and special events on Friday and Saturday nights). Beer is being served, and you can take your own wine.

Bagel Company of Memphis
6698 Poplar Avenue
754-2660


Remember when there was a bagel shop on every corner? Okay, maybe not every corner, but there was definitely a rash of bagel shops in the late nineties (?), and now there's just one--The Bagel Company of Memphis. If memory serves me right, it used to be called something else a little more Jewish sounding. Johan Sebastian Bagel? Regardless, despite growing up rather close to this place (in a Jewish household), I never set foot inside the door until last summer. I went with a couple of friends after skating at Shelby Farms and put it on my list of places to take the monkeys. A year later, we made it!

I took off a couple of Wednesdays ago to enjoy one last day of summer with the boys before sending them off to school. We planned to spend the bulk of the day swimming at the JCC, so I thought starting off with breakfast at the Bagel Company would be nice. Satchel (7) is a big fan of bagels, so I expected him to be especially excited.

When we pulled in to the parking lot, the monkeys couldn't help noticing the McDonald's next door. Jiro (5) thought I was going there and immediately started chanting "McDonald's! McDonald's!" I pointed towards the Bagel Company and informed him that was where we were eating. And surprisingly he didn't protest. (I took a moment to think of the last time we went to McDonald's and I couldn't remember. Thanks to the Sterns' we avoided fast food entirely on our 3200 mile road trip!)

The monkeys excitedly exited the car and began scaling the handicapped railing leading into the restaurant. I grabbed their collars and reminded them that we were going to a restaurant, not a playground, and to get it together. That's when Satchel spotted the Jabberblabber newsstand. "I love that magazine," he said. "Grab two," I instructed as I opened the door.

Satchel and Jiro, Jabberblabbers in hand, marched in and sat down at a table near the door. It was a little after eleven, so we had clearly missed the breakfast rush, but there were still quite a few full tables. The early lunchers, I presume. I looked around for a more secluded spot, but Satchel was insistent. We sat down and they immediately got to work on the photo search as I scanned the menu.

I tried to draw Satchel's attention to the numerous bagels behind me in the case (16, to be exact) and I listed off several food options to the both of them, but they only cared about the photo search. I managed to get Jiro to tell me he wanted eggs and Satchel muttered something about pancakes. "No bagel?" I asked, stunned. He just shook his head.

I ordered two waters for me and Satchel and an orange juice for Jiro. Then I had to figure out what I was going to order. On my initial visit I tried the Matzoh Brie thinking it was going to be something special, but found it hard to finish. (It's matzoh and scrambled eggs, served with jelly or syrup.) I was torn between an omelette (which could also be turned into a burrito) and the skillets. (I'm not a bagel and lox kinda girl, but I hear they are good.)

I decided to ask the waitress for her recommendation, and ended up going with the Farmer's Skillet with grilled sausage, veggies, and potatoes with a scrambled egg and melted cheese on top. It also came with a bagel of my choice so I went with jalepeno cheddar. I ordered Satchel's pancakes and the 2 Egg Breakfast for Jiro. "Does he usually eat two eggs?" she asked. I looked at her confused. "Do you want the kid's breakfast instead?" she clarified. Oh! I didn't even notice the kids' menu. Oops. A quick glance and I discovered that he could have a nearly identical meal (minus one egg) for $1.36 less. "Oh, okay," I said.

Once the ordering was out of the way, I was free to help the kids with their photo searches and whatnot. It was nice to have them focused on an activity that did not require batteries. In fact they were so focused it was difficult to get them to focus on their breakfast which came out amazingly fast.

Everything looked great, but Satchel immediately frowned. "Where's my bacon?" he asked. I tried to explain to him that he did not order bacon, but he could not be convinced. I kindly asked the waitress for some bacon and she returned with a giant plate of it two seconds later. "Wow, how did she do that?" Satchel asked, amazed.

"It was already cooked, I guess," I said, rather impressed myself.

I spread the cream cheese on Jiro's bagel and he tore right into his eggs. Oddly his potatoes did not interest him--they were like French fry squares--but Satchel offered (between bites of bacon) to help eat them. My skillet had the same potatoes, crumbled sausage, and onions and peppers. With the egg on top, it was quite hearty. I doused it with hot sauce and enjoyed eating it, but I think it might have been better with some sort of sauce, salsa maybe? Just a bit dry. I had no room for even one bite of my bagel! Satchel plowed through the bacon and ate one of his two pancakes, which he said were very good. Once everyone was done eating, Jiro convinced me to get a Diet Coke out of the cooler so he could have a sip. (I needed caffeine, so I agreed without much of a fight.)

In general we were all quite pleased with the food. Once they were done, the monkeys went right back to Jabberblabber. Had it not been the free lollipops for "good kids" by the register, I may never have dragged them away.

Our total was $20 plus tip. A little steep for just the three of us, but we had a decent amount of leftovers and probably could have eaten for a little less had we skipped the drinks and side of bacon. (Or had Satchel actually ordered a bagel!)

Lisa’s Lunchbox

The guest blogging continues! Thanks to Andria for demystifying a little slice of East Memphis.

Lisa’s Lunchbox
5885 Ridgeway Center Parkway

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that I do, sort of, work for Lisa’s Lunchbox. I discovered the restaurant a year ago, just after starting a new job in East Memphis. My biggest concern about my office location was that I wouldn’t be able to walk anywhere for lunch. During my first week, I pulled up a Google map of my work address and searched for “restaurants,” just to see what was closest. I was shocked and thrilled to see a listing that was just across the (shortest crosswalk-light ever) road, so I walked over.

What I found inside a non-descript, un-signaged office building was a little lunchtime oasis. With a staff of three – Lisa Clay, Lauren Gray and Laura Leike – the converted office space held an open kitchen, seating for about 30, and most importantly for me, a non-stop stream of friendly chatter. Still feeling awkward and unfamiliar in my new job, I entered a place where I instantly felt welcome. They took my name the first time I ordered, and when I came back a couple days later, they remembered it. Oh, and the food? It was really, really good. I was hooked.

So hooked, in fact, that when I couldn’t find their menu online to show a friend, I offered to create and keep up their website on a contract basis (the terms of our agreement are complex, but I can tell you that they involve at least one chocolate-peanut butter chess bar a month). But I swear to you that this review is not just another online marketing effort. Hey, did I mention the delicious chess bars? And that Laura is now managing their second location, conveniently located at 775 Ridge Lake Blvd?

So anyway, where were we? Ah yes, summer break. Miss M was home at the Compound while I was at work, so one day, Kristy generously and ingeniously offered to bring her over to my office so we could have a mother-daughter lunch. Although Lisa’s is frequented almost exclusively by the corporate crowd, I thought almost-6-year-old Miss M could handle herself well enough to get us through the meal without any askance glances.

I deliberately picked a post-rush lunchtime of 12:45, and most of the executives were heading back to their lairs as we came in. Lauren immediately asked Miss M’s name and said they’d be happy to make anything she wanted. This may sound like an extra accommodation for the company webslinger, but they offer the same service to every customer. If they have the parts to put it together, they’ll make it. Miss M’s tastes are pretty simple, though, so she went for a basic grilled cheese and I got my usual Baby Blues salad, which is a huge spinach salad loaded with grilled chicken, strawberries, oranges, bleu cheese, and seasoned pecans that I would happily eat all by themselves. I let Miss M pick the table, so of course we ended up at the one with the Spongebob Squarepants lunchbox.

After drinking most of the giant bottle of orange juice she picked from the drink cooler, Miss M wasn’t all that hungry when her panini-pressed grilled cheese came out. While she was checking out the room, however, she noticed the big stack of home-made sweets on the counter and started asking for cake. While I’d hoped we’d have some time to discuss the urgent issues of the day – the mayor’s resignation, health care reform, the nihilist vs. existentialist struggle displayed in the story arc of High School Musicals 1-3 – once she saw the dessert pile, there was really nothing to talk about except whether she could have some cake and how much real food she would have to eat in order to do so.

Because it was a special occasion, and because I didn’t want my eldest child to make a huge off-putting scene around people who regularly touch my food, I acquiesced after she ate one half of her grilled cheese. Okay, really, Lisa told her to help herself, but I’d already decided it was okay! As I expected, Miss M was able to eat about two bites of the giant treat (it was actually a big gooey brownie, not cake) before saying she was full, so we packed up the other half of her sandwich and 7/8ths of her dessert and headed on our way. (As evidence of how big the salads are, I offer Exhibit A: brownie leftovers.)

All in all, we had a delicious and mostly-pleasant lunch, and the ladies at Lisa’s did everything to make us happy, but I do feel the need to make a monkey caveat. When you walk into Lisa’s Lunchbox, you won’t see any high chairs or booster seats. You won’t see a changing table in the bathroom; in fact, there is no bathroom, not unless you go out into the office building itself. So although I won’t say it’s a kid-unfriendly place (the jars of free candy on the counter exist specifically to lure orthodontia patients), it certainly isn’t designed for children, especially small ones. I’ve been there with my baby and with my big kid, and felt welcome both times, but I also was a little wary of the suited masses and how they might feel if a sticky face passed too closely by their tables. If this doesn’t worry you, or you happen to be one of those masses yourself, dig out the Google map and come on over.

Yang's Deli

Yang's Deli
4985 Summer Avenue
682-5309

Team Oster likes to drive up and down Summer Avenue in pursuit of groceries, car parts, hardware, and food. Yang's is one of those places that we've passed a million times. And each time Warren says, "Have you ever eaten there?" which really means, "Wanna eat there?" I always look in the window and report that the place is empty, which is my code for "Let's go somewhere else."

On Saturday I was in a rather conciliatory mood so when Warren asked if I'd ever eaten at Yang's, I said, "We can go if you want." He drove past and I looked in the window. Again it looked empty, but then I spotted a man reading his newspaper. "There's someone there," I said. That was all Warren needed to hear.

The kids (Satchel, 6, and Jiro, 5), who had not even eaten breakfast, were claiming they weren't hungry because our next stop was Target. (They needed to buy a birthday present for their friend. However, they each had birthday money of their own saved up and were already plotting their purchases.) I started listing some menu items for them, "They have hamburgers, chicken tenders, sandwiches, Chinese food..." Satchel looked at me and pointed at the chips lining the counter. "I'll have two bags of Doritos," he said. "I'll have Cheetos," Jiro added. I quickly disabused them of this idea. "You need to eat something else," I stressed. Eventually they agreed to split an order of chicken wings. I told them to get their chips and sit down.

Then Warren and I stared at the vast menu and tried to figure out what we wanted to eat. (Frankly I didn't want anything, but I was humoring Warren.) "I guess I'll try a gyro," I said uncharacteristically. I never order the gyro--not even at Elliot's where it is supposed to be awesome. (I think that's what I was imagining when I ordered it.)

Warren was leaning towards Chinese food, which I thought was smart since they had several signs saying they specialized in "Chinese food and sandwich since 1983." He finally decided on General Tso's chicken, which came with fried rice and an egg roll. By now I was wondering if a gyro counted as a sandwich and if I had ordered the right thing. There was a table of guys nearby and I tried to see what they were eating, but their food was hidden in their little red baskets.

I ordered four waters and waited patiently for the nice pregnant woman behind the counter to ring me up. When she presented me with four gigantic styrofoam cups full of water, Warren pointed out that I was being charged .25 for each cup. Our final bill came to $21 and I found myself in one of those "Should I tip?" situations when my credit card receipt came with a line for the tip. It looked like there was one guy cooking and that he was also in charge of delivering the food, so I added a three dollar tip.

We joined the boys at the table and I resisted the urge to list the dozen other places on Summer Avenue where I would rather blow $24. The boys were just about done with their chips and each was covered in fake cheese powder. I did my best to clean them off before they started wiping orange funk all over their shirts. Meanwhile Warren said, "I think this place has an identity crisis." I looked up and he directed my attention to the antlers and bass fish mounted on the wall next to the Christmas lights. "They have highchairs though," he added, trying to remain positive.

Due to there only being one guy doing all of the cooking, we had plenty of time to take in the ambiance. The most noticeable aspect of the dining room was the small TV mounted to the ceiling. After ten minutes or so it dawned on me that it was tuned to QVC or some other advertising channel. It was very loud and very annoying.

Jiro needed to freshen up, so I escorted him to the restroom area. It was painted Pepto Bismol pink. Despite this, and the general dilapidated state of the restaurant, it still appeared clean-ish.

A few minutes after we sat back down, our food arrived piping hot.


One look at my gyro and I knew that I had made a mistake. The meat was sliced very thin and looked very processed. "Uh-oh," I said. Thankfully Warren did not get mad. He offered to share his with me, and then eventually eat mine. His chicken was okay--nothing spectacular. The fried rice was just rice and very boring. The egg roll was okay. Jiro declared his chicken wings "nasty" without even tasting them, but Satchel ate the one he agreed to eat when I let him get the Doritos. I tried one and they were fine. I glanced around for hot sauce, but didn't see any, so I just ate it plain.

Eventually the kids were begging for quarters for the gum machine and most of the food on our table was gone. (The order of fries proving to be the most popular item.) While we were there people continued to filter in. I kept trying to see what everyone was eating, convinced that Yang's must have some secret treasure hidden among the hundreds of menu items.

Maybe it's the muffaletta?

I won't be back to find out.

After all of the comments, Warren and I couldn't resist driving through for a muffaletta on our way home from the movies. It is definitely worth going back for--and I liked the drive-thru experience much more than dining in. Now we just feel silly for ordering Chinese food!

Whole Foods

Whole Foods Market
5022 Poplar Ave
685-2293

On Friday, Warren and I took the monkeys (Satchel, 6, and Jiro, 4) to see Coraline in 3-D at the Paradiso. We bought our tickets about an hour early, worried it would be sold out. In the meantime, we walked over to Whole Foods to grab some dinner.

If I'm within a mile of Whole Foods, I usually have to stop and get some sushi to go. I'm completely hooked on the spicy tunacado roll. It's just tuna and avocado, but it's big, and it tastes really yummy. The monkeys have been to Whole Foods enough to know that they have really good pizza, free cheese samples, and Izze. So going in, three out of the four of us pretty much knew what we were going to get, which was good, because we had limited time. (We wanted front row seats!)

I haven't figured out why, but they stopped putting Izzes in the cooler for some reason (WHY??), so our only snafu was finding a drink. Jiro settled on a can of natural root beer and I'm partial to the $3 acai berry/blueberry juice they sell. (Satchel forgot to get a drink, but I didn't realize it until later.) Satch ordered a slice of pepperoni (they have HUGE slices, with equally HUGE yet super thin and not too greasy pepperonis) and Jiro ordered a slice of cheese. They pack the slices in triangle-shaped cardboard boxes (is that an oxymoron?) which I think are just precious, and make the pizza really easy to transport. I entrusted each monkey with their pizza and headed towards the sushi cabinet. I grabbed my roll and Jiro pointed to an avocado roll and said, "I want sushi too." I'm not going to deny my boy sushi, so I grabbed a box for him.

Our dinner in hand, we went in search of Warren, who was wondering back and forth. "Did you decide?" I asked. "I'm thinking about getting a rotisserie chicken," he said. "A whole chicken?" I clarified. "It's actually cheaper than getting a sandwich," he said pointing to some giant sub sandwiches. "Ok, get it," I said.

Let me just pause to say that Whole Foods has a really nice salad bar and hot food bar with all kinds of good stuff to eat. It's fairly common to see people with paper plates (made from recycled paper) full of "normal" meals. Team Oster clearly does not think in meat and threes.

When I reviewed Wild Oats, which was formerly in this same space, I was all ranty about the plastic plastic everywhere. I'm happy to report that most of the plastic is gone. The salad bar containers and nearly everything in the deli is recycled paper or cardboard (which is technically recycled paper). The only plastic remnants are, unfortunately, in the sushi section. I can see why cardboard wouldn't work here, but I wish there was an alternative to non-recyclable plastic. Oh, I know! How about a plastic container that is actually recyclable? (i.e. #1 or #2)

Ok, enough of that...

Chicken in one hand, jalapeno cornbread and an energy drink in the other, Warren joined us in the checkout lane. Our total was $33 (which included a .10 discount for refusing bags). This is less than we would spend in a regular restaurant, a little more than what we'd spend on fast food. After paying, I sent each monkey to the table with his stash of food. Satchel tore into his pizza and soon had his face covered in their yummy tomato sauce. Jiro popped open his root beer and downed half of it before instructing me to remove the green things (a.k.a. avocados) from his sushi. Once that was accomplished, I went in search of a knife for Warren. "Do you want a fork too?" I asked. He mumbled something which I took for a no. Upon my return he of course said, "Where's my fork?"

By this time, Satchel realized that he forgot to get a drink. After tasting everyone else's drink, he decided they were all too gross to share. Frankly, I was tired of running around, so I gave him $2 and said, "Go pick out your own drink." Then I instructed him to pay at the register about 5 feet from us. Surprisingly, the idea of venturing alone to the drink cooler was not too scary, and off he went. Two seconds later he was back pleading for me to go through the check out line with him. Begrudgingly, I obliged, but made him do most of the work, so that next time I could stay seated. (FYI Satchel refused a bag for his .59 soda and received a .10 discount.)

The rest of the meal was uneventful save for the split second that Warren almost popped a dollop of wasabi in his mouth thinking it was one of Jiro's rejected green things.

Miss Cordelia's

Miss Cordelia's
737 Harbor Bend Rd
526-4772

Miss Cordelia's is a frequent lunch stop for me. I'm particularly fond of their grab-n-go cooler which features sushi made fresh and delivered by Umai each day. I thought that when I finally took the monkeys (Satchel, 6, and Jiro, 4) to eat there that it would be during a Saturday or Sunday afternoon stroll along the river, but we found ourselves there at 6:00pm on a Saturday night. It was Warren's birthday and we'd spent all day relaxing and lost track of time. We were headed to Maria Montessori School for a special Glitches/Ultra Cats performance at 7:00pm and decided to just grab something quick.

Jiro, who had been fighting a nap all day, fell asleep in the car on our way over. I was able to wake him up, but unable to interest him in eating anything other than chips. The kids' menu features two sandwiches--peanut butter and banana and ham and cheese. Jiro likes PB&B but insisted he wasn't hungry. I couldn't even interest him in sushi. Satchel has been really into sandwiches lately, but couldn't pass up an opportunity to eat a bowl of potato leak soup (his favorite). Warren seemed a little overwhelmed by the options and was looking to me for direction. I told him that the Soprano and the Red, White, & Bleu were my favorites before taking off after the monkeys. They were being pulled away from the deli by the lure of the Goldfish & Cheezit lined aisles in the grocery store. (Now deprived of regular Target trips, the grocery store is their main arena for "getting stuff.")

To get them re-focused on dinner, I let the monkeys each pick a drink--OJ for Satchel and red Gatorade for Jiro--and then calmly led them back to the deli. Warren was sitting at a table staring at the sandwich board. "I'll have a Soprano," he said.

I ordered for us, which proved to be more difficult than expected. The guy taking my order looked like he usually worked in the kitchen (he had on a chef jacket) and had a hard time getting my order right. I spoke slowly and clearly and finally it was done. Even with Jiro opting not to eat our tab was $22, which surprised me.

I got a drink for Warren and I to share and joined the boys at a table. The monkeys were happily eating chips and drinking their drinks. Our friends, and concert hosts, the Dixons, came in and said hello. They too were going to the concert and were in search of food. We chatted for a bit and they went up to place their order.

I heard my name and went to grab our sandwiches and soup. There were two sandwiches, but no soup. I asked about it and the woman said, "Hold on."

Just then Shannon got her sandwich. She asked if it had any condiments on it and the woman said "Just mayo." Shannon had specifically ordered it sans mayo so she handed it back.

"I think the evening crew is a little less organized than the day crew," I commented to Shannon.

"I don't know," she said. "We come after school a lot and it's always a little spotty."

The woman behind the counter informed me that I wasn't charged for soup, but she would give it to me anyway. "Are you sure?" I asked. I was finding it hard to believe that two sandwiches, two bags of chips, and three drinks was $22. I went back and looked at my receipt. Sure enough, I wasn't charged for the soup, even after repeating my order at least three times.

Regardless, we all had food now and were happily eating. I offered to do halfsies with Warren and he obliged. While we were eating we saw two other people we knew (one going to the concert, one just getting groceries). It was nice to have a neighborly thing going on. (I imagine sitting out on the patio was even nicer and more neighborly since the weather was just perfect.)

Before leaving I took the monkeys on a bathroom run. (There's a unisex bathroom next to the grocery check-out.) We had to break through a long line of people checking out as well as several racks of candy. This made the trip a little more treacherous. I nearly had to tackle Jiro on the way back to meet Warren in order to get him to unhand a pack of orange Tic-Tacs!

All in all it was a nice experience despite the ordering difficulties. I'd recommend reading the menu online before going, or even ordering ahead if you are in a rush. That's what I usually do at lunch (unless I plan to eat sushi).

As a side note, Warren noticed Cordelia's sells both wine and beer. How is that possible? Is it because Cordelia's has a restaurant status? Also how do they sell alcohol so close to a school? Just curious...

And finally, I was happy to see that Miss Cordelia's is working towards Project Green Fork certification. There's a lot of unnecessary plastic going on in there!

Lenny's

Lenny’s #7
4726 Spottswood
(901) 202-4800

After our massive roadtrip, we didn't eat out for a long while. Last Saturday between getting the monkeys (Satchel, 6, and Jiro, 4) a haircut at Sport Clips and going to a movie at Paradiso, we had a brief interlude at the new Lenny's next to Williams-Sonoma.

I like Lenny's, especially the hot sauce that finally sent me into labor with Jiro, but I hardly ever eat there. It's just not on my beaten path.

As we walked past Lenny's in search of Warren, who was fondling commercial grade baking pans in Williams-Sonoma, Satchel looked in the window and said, "Do they have roaster beef?" Satchel developed a love of "roaster beef" due to the fact that there's a Subway in every Love's gas station from here to Colorado.

"I'm sure they do," I said.

"I'm hungry!" he said.

"Me too," said Jiro.

I called Warren to alert him to our whereabouts and headed to the deli counter. I asked the dude if they had a kid's meal and he said, "Yes, it comes with a sandwich, chips, a drink, and a cookie."

(The Lenny's website makes the kid's meal sound really exciting: The fun begins at Lenny’s with Li’l Lenny and the Global Adventurers! Each kid's meal comes with one of our mouth-watering subs, your choice of chips and a cookie, and a drink, all packaged into an exciting adventure with the Global Adventurers. Ready for mystery and adventure, this team is sure to get to the bottom of every silly situation! Crazy tides, choppy waters and tons of fun are all in a day’s work for these kids!)

"What kind of sandwich?" I asked.

"Turkey & Cheese, Ham & Cheese, Meatball, or Hot Dog," he replied.

"Can we get roast beef?"

He glanced at the dude making the sandwiches and he nodded. "Okay, I'll take two kids' meals with roast beef," I said.

"What do you want on them?" the sandwich-making dude asked.

"Mayonnaise and white cheese," I said after being prompted by Satchel.

It was then that I realized that I never actually asked Jiro if he wanted roast beef too. Over the last few days his appetite had been pretty puny, so I guess I just figured Satchel could eat both sandwiches if Jiro rejected his. In retrospect I probably would have ordered him a hot dog since he generally shuns all lunch meat.

The other dude gave me two smallish re-useable plastic cups with lids and straws and the monkeys and I set off towards the drink machine. These days they both campaign hard for Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper every chance they get. They don't know what "Diet" means, only that Mommy and Daddy drink it so it must be good. They usually try to throw me for a loop by momentarily pretending they want whatever red or blue drink option is available.

I held my guns though and they each got a Root Beer.

Next I let them pick out a bag of chips, which, thanks to the plain white packaging, was pretty painless. BBQ for Jiro; Sour Cream for Satchel.

The dude was busy packing up our stuff in a plastic bag, but I stopped him. "I don't need all of the packaging, just give me the food," I said in a very pleasant voice.

I had ordered it to go since we didn't have much time before the movie, but Satchel really wanted to eat it there. The monkeys ran around the dining area trying out several booths before deciding on the one by the window. I unwrapped the sandwiches, opened the chips, and waited.

Satchel looked at his sandwich and moaned, "It's warm!"

"It's not warm," I said.

"It's warm," he insisted, touching the bread with the palm of his hand.

"The bread is warm," I corrected myself, "but the cheese is not melted."

He does not like the cheese melted.

"Oh," he said grinning then took a bite.

Jiro looked at his sandwich and said, "I'm not hungee."

This is code for, "I'm fine drinking a Root Beer and eating chips."

"Look, it's cut in triangles," I said. "Taste it."

"I'M NOT HUNGEE!"

This is code for "Don't you remember that I scored FOUR lollipops from Sport Clips?"

See why I didn't ask Jiro what kind of sandwich he wanted?

"This is almost as good as Subway!" Satchel exclaimed happily.

A few bites later he changed his mind. "This is better than Subway!"

And then, "This is the best roaster beef sandwich ever!"

"Alright," I said.

Warren came in and sat down with us and immediately started eating Jiro's chips.

"Hey! Don't eat his dinner," I admonished him snarkliy. "Want some roaster beef?" I asked.

"NO!" Satchel wailed. "I want Jiro's too! Save it for me."

"Sorry, Warren," I said. "Hey, we need to get going if we're going to make the movie."

We packed everything up and piled in the car. After the movie was over and we were driving home, Satchel said out of the blue, "You forgot to get our cookies!"

Dangit.

"Go get them!" he commanded.

"I do want to buy that cookie sheet after all," Warren said sheepishly.

"Okay, y'all got to Williams-Sonoma; I'll go get the cookies," I said.

Normally I would not do this, but I wanted half of at least one of those cookies. (Lenny's has yummy giant cookies.)

There were no people dining in Lenny's now and a new dude was behind the counter. "Uh, hi," I said. "I was here earlier and ordered two kids' meals but never got the cookies."

He looked at me only slightly weird and directed me to the sandwich dude. Surely, he'll remember me I thought as I stroked my receipt.

"Uh, hi," I said. "I was here earlier and ordered two kids' meals but never got the cookies."

He smiled and pointed his head at the cookies. "Go ahead," he said.

I grabbed two chocolate chip cookies and high-tailed it out of there. Once we were all back in the car, I opened the cookies and divvied them up. After one bite, I screamed, "%$#@!"

"What?" everyone asked me.

"I got oatmeal raisin instead of chocolate chip."

"Go back!" Satchel suggested.

I took another bite and said in a tiny voice, "No, that's okay."

%$#@!

Post script:

Satchel did eventually eat all four triangles of the two roaster beef sandwiches and I am sure that the next mention of a haircut will include a plea for another sandwich. (Jiro will be content with five lollipops.)

Also, looking at the website I see that we never did get a fun kids' meal bag or stickers. I distinctly remember the dude reaching for a white plastic bag. The website lists the price at $3.95, but my receipt says $4.75. Maybe roast beef costs $.80 extra?

Wild Oats (Closed)

Editor's note: Whole Foods took over Wild Oats in October 2008 and greatly expanded the deli offerings.

Okay so Wild Oats isn't technically a restaurant, but you people read my Costco post and didn't complain!

Wild Oats
5022 Poplar Avenue
901-685-2293

Warren and I had some shopping to do for an impending sushi feast, and not a lot of time. So we decided to eat on the run and grab something at Wild Oats.

Now, we tried eating dinner at Wild Oats with the monkeys (Satchel, 5, and Jiro, 3) before with somewhat disastrous results. They didn't like anything and it was a big waste of money. But, that was a long time ago! I said. They're so much older and more refined now!

I personally eat at Wild Oats quite frequently, but I always get the same thing: a tornado roll (spicy tuna & avocado). Considering we were less than 24 hours away from a sushi extravaganza, I decided to show some restraint and find something else to eat.

But first, I had to deal with the monkeys.

While shopping, they both had access to free samples of Annie's Cheddar Bunnies (think Pepperidge Farm Goldfish shaped like rabbits) and the Wild Oats equivalent of Oreos. Jiro also wrangled a strawberry smoothie drink off of the refrigerated shelf and into his grubby paws. Last, but not least, they both (unknowingly) picked out a vegan chocolate cookie to eat for dessert.

The chances of getting them to partake in oats of any sort seemed slim. However, as we passed the first display case Jiro pointed at the Teriyaki chicken wings and said, "I want that!" Just to make sure he was sure, we looked in all of the windows and browsed the salad bar. There Satchel pointed at some benign looking penne pasta and said, "I want that!" I scooped some up into a plastic container and added two kinds of shredded cheese on top as instructed. "How about some black olives?" I suggested and he luke-warmly agreed. As we made our way around, Satchel tried very hard to find something else that interested him, namely the soup, but ultimately shied away.

We headed back to where the chicken wings were and both monkeys pointed at the macaroni and cheese in the adjacent case. I ordered a small container of the mac and ten wings. Warren ordered a small container of tabbouleh and we agreed to split a pre-prepared ham & cheese sandwich. I grabbed a bag of chips, Warren got a soda, and we were done. I looked at our booty--all absurdly individually packaged in varying plastic containers--and wondered how we were going to sit down and dine in a civilized fashion. I asked the deli man for a paper plate, and was given four plastic ones.

Now, let me just take a moment to rant a bit.

First off, Whole Foods (who is the soon-to-be if not already the owner of Wild Oats) has vowed to ban plastic bags in all of their stores by Earth Day 2008. I think that is awesome. Plastic bags totally blow.

Warren and I were proudly sporting our very own reusable bags to carry our groceries home. So, it was a little annoying that in attempting to eat dinner at the Wild Oats deli, we had accumulated a shit ton of plastic. Granted, Wild Oats has in-store recycling bins (also awesome), but they only accept #1 & #2 plastics, which the majority of our containers were not.

Now, it is entirely possible that I just went about the whole dinner selection process the wrong way and there is a very easy, low-plastic way to eat a variety of items offered in the deli in the deli. In fact, I hope this is the case. I know that was certainly true at Squash Blossom back in the day. (Oh, how I miss you Squash Blossom!)

Okay, so back to the meal.

I had our dinner rung up separately from our groceries so I could see exactly what price tag was attached to all of this waste. $21.79. Not horrible, but not not horrible considering I technically didn't have my own meal. Or a drink.

Speaking of, I had to make several runs to the water dispenser during the meal since Warren was only willing to let us drink so much of his black cherry soda. (Do I have to mention at this point that the water dispenser has a plastic cup dispenser above it?)

Jiro tried to tell me that he couldn't eat his chicken because it was "wet," but Warren brilliantly told him that the wetness was just soy sauce. He ate most of one wing and then requested that I pull the meat off of another two. Satchel also had one wing. (That left six for Warren to eat.)

Satchel's seemingly plain penne pasta turned out to be heavily seasoned with garlic. After one bite, Satchel screamed, "Spicy!" and passed it over to, guess who? Warren.

Satchel ate a few olives and then shared a few with Jiro. The ham and cheese sandwich that Warren and I split was fine. Not exciting. Not nasty. Just fine.

The monkeys were both ignoring their macaroni and cheese so I finally had to ask why.

"It's too wet," said Jiro. (No chance of using the soy sauce ploy here.)

"It's cold," said Satchel.

I then had a flashback to the last time we ate at Wild Oats and they asked for mac & cheese and then refused to eat it.

Warren valiantly offered to nuke it in the nearby microwave. I watched on as he fumbled around. He returned with a goofy look on his face and I asked, "Did the plastic container melt in the microwave?"

"Yes," he said perturbed. "I only put it in for 20 seconds!"

He fished out the (hopefully) unaffected mac and cast it back on the monkeys' plates. Shockingly, they ate it. (I had to feed Jiro his and say soothing things like, "Two more bites until you get to eat your vegan cookie.)

Throughout the meal the monkeys remained relatively calm and only ooched in their seats a little bit. They each got two wooden nickels at the checkout since we brought our own bags, so we happily ended our meal by putting the nickels into the charity slot of our choice (Memphis Greenline, Slow Food Memphis, and Shelby Farms).

Next time...if there is one...we're all getting sushi.

Fino's

Fino's from the Hill
1853 Madison Ave
(901) 272-3466

Even though Fino's is just down the street from me, I often forget that it exists. While I was convalescing, one of the derby girls, Kel Diabla, brought me a turkey sandwich from Fino's. It was so yummy that I couldn't wait to get another one.

When Moxie Dynamite came to take me to lunch a few days later, I suggested we go back to Fino's. "Mmmm...Good idea!" she said licking her lips. On that visit I had the most delicious chicken, prosciutto, peppercorn, and cheese bisque ever. And a yummy New York sub. Moxie got a salami sandwich and a spinach turnover. I had a bite of the latter. In the words of Rachael Ray, "Yummo!"

I took half of my sandwich home to Warren because a)I love him and b)I wanted him to say yes the next time I suggested going to Fino's.

It was only a day or so later that I said, "Hey, let's take the monkeys (Satchel, 4, and Jiro, 2) to Fino's for dinner. I saw a bunch of kids in there eating spaghetti the other day."

"Are they even open for dinner?" he asked.

Hmmm...good question.. I called at 5:15pm on a Saturday to happily discover that they were open until 6:30pm. We loaded up the monkeys and rolled in around a quarter to six to find that we had the place to ourselves. The monkeys were really hungry, which was good. They each grabbed a bag of chips and sat at a table by the door while Warren and I decided what to order.

I was really torn between making my way down the sandwich board, trying a pizza, and getting one of the specials. In the end, I went with a plain ol' turkey sandwich. Warren ordered the Fino's sandwich and I got a half order of spaghetti for each of the monkeys. Then I ordered three roast beef sandwiches, one with the sauce on the side, two chicken and rice soups, and mushroom linguine to take to my sister. (She called just as we were leaving and insisted I hook her up.)

A few people filtered in as we waited for our food, but it never got crowded. Between the chips and sips of Sprite, the monkeys remained quite calm. Once the food arrived there was very little talking. Satchel loved the french bread and spaghetti--especially the meatball. Warren and I both devoured our sandwiches. Jiro only had eyes for his chips. I greedily stared at his heaping bowl of spaghetti and thought, Mmmm...that sure will taste good when I eat it for breakfast tomorrow.

Once done with his spaghetti, Satchel wandered over to the counter and pointed at a creme filled cannoli. "I want that!" he said.

I got it to go and let him eat it with his fingers as we drove to my sister's house. The next day I had leftover spaghetti for brunch (and dinner). A few days later, I went back for a pizza with Angelina Rolie. And a cannoli.

McAlister's

The unedited "day two" of Do French Fries Make You Strong?

McAlister's Deli
3482 Plaza Avenue
(901) 452-6009

Chicken Caeser Wrap (with fruit) $6.49
Kid's Nacho (Teddy Grahams) $0
Kid's Pizza (Teddy Grahams) $0
2 Kids Lemondade $2.00
1 Water $.25
Total: $9.54

While I stood in line, the monkeys (Satchel, 4, and Jiro, 2) excitedly ran back and forth across the entry way touching the numerous candy dispensers with their filthy paws. They wasted no time letting on that they had escaped from the zoo. "I want a quarter I want a quarter!" was all anyone near the counter could hear. I gave them each a penny and turned my attention toward the task at hand: Free food day two.

The kids' menu offers seven choices: Toasted Cheese Sandwich, PB&J, Mac's Dog (hot dog), Kid's Nacho, Ham & Cheese, Turkey & Cheese, Cheese Pita Pizza. The sandwiches come with chips and everything comes with Teddy Grahams. The actual kids meal prices were pretty fair ($1.19-$2.75), which took a little bit of the fun out of the free-ness. I asked the girl behind the counter if kids ate free on Tuesday (even though the sign was right above her head) and she said, "Uh, I don't know, let me check." After conferring with a few coworkers, she confirmed that kids did in fact eat free on Tuesdays.

I let the monkeys choose what they wanted. I read Satchel the full list and he chose nachos. I gave Jiro two options: pizza or hot dog. He chose pizza. (He was rallying for day two at CiCi's the whole way over.) I had really meant to peruse the menu online before coming, but never did. I didn't have time to read through everything, so I quickly decided on the Chicken Caesar Wrap. The girl at the counter replied, "It's actually kind of good." I wasn't sure if this was a good sign or not. I knew I should probably get something more exciting, like a spud or "The Big Nasty," but the "Come Back" gravy turned me off. I wasn't going to order drinks in an effort to keep the bill as low as possible, but for a brief moment I thought the kids drinks might be free. They weren't.

Satchel yelped that he wanted to sit outside and I acquiesced due to the plethora of candy machines in view of every booth inside. Once I saw the the patio was not enclosed and that it opened up onto a very busy parking lot I immediately wanted to renig. I knew that we'd be lucky to get a few bites in before Jiro made his break.

Our food came pretty quickly. When I looked at Satchel's plate I had a oh my god what was I thinking letting him eat nachos for dinner moment when I realized that the nachos were just chips and dip. I don't know what I was really expecting, but I felt very embarrassed by the reality of the situation. Jiro of course took one look at his soggy pizza covered in blood (as Satchel noted) and went right for the nachos. It was ugly. Finally Satchel agreed to share if Jiro would. As Satchel went for a bite of pizza he said, "ooh fly!" and I shooed it away. Then he said, "I can't eat it now that they fly puked all over it." That's when I noticed the flies attacking my sandwich. I covered it with napkins and inspected my fruit. At first I thought it was fruit cocktail out of a can. Upon further inspection I was happy to see that it was peeled oranges, grapefruit, and grapes. My sandwich was good, but dull as hell. (I just can't get excited about cold dinner--unless it is sushi.)

I ate about half of my food when Jiro broke free from the table. He very slyly pretended to be dancing and enjoying himself before breaking into a full sprint off the patio. I immediately grabbed him, grabbed a to-go box and our three drinks, and got the hell out of there.

RJA also reviewed McAllister's here.

San Francisco Bread Company (closed)

San Francisco Bread Company
990 Germantown Road
737.6636

Last week I got an email from one of the lovely women behind Memphis Loves Kids. Since I knew Warren would be gone for several weeks, I immediately became obsessed with their Kids Eat Free list. I decided to alphabetize it, reorganize it by day, do some research of my own, and see if I could come up with a schedule of sorts to get free meals for the monkeys (Satchel, 4, and Jiro, 2) on a regular basis while our chef was in the field.

Unfortunately, none of my favorite restaurants was on the list so I had to think hard about whether the "free-ness" would be worth going to place that I knew very little about. Chains and franchises in the ‘burbs are not usually my first picks. However, I planned to take the monkeys to a “fitness” class at the Germantown Center on Wednesday, so I figured I should check out the San Francisco Bread Company.

According to the list, kids 12 & under eat free (1 kid per adult) Monday-Thursday at the San Francisco Bread Company. I had taken the monkeys to a similar type place, Firehouse Subs, (after swimming) with good results, so I figured it was a safe bet. The idea of not actually having to pay $3.99 for a PB&J or grilled cheese sandwich also appealed to me.

Jacked-up and hungry, we rolled into the SFBC at 6:30ish. It was very chain-like but in a west coast sort of way. The place was pretty deserted except for one dude (and his laptop) in the lounge area and one other family happily eating in the corner. Looking at the glass enclosed counter, Satchel said, “Do we get to pick out our own food?” Before I could answer, he and Jiro bolted over and started fingering the pastries through a one inch slit at the bottom of the glass.

The one guy behind the counter, the owner I presume, already loved us. I could just tell.

After perusing the menu for a second, I said, “Kids eat free, right?”

The man looked at me and shook his head and said, “No.”

Okay. It wasn’t like I could bolt at this point. We were hungry, we were here, and I didn't have the energy to answer 500 questions about why we had to leave. “I’ll take a cheese pizza kid’s meal, a PB&J kid’s meal, and a roast beef sandwich,” I said as non-grumpily as possible before forking over $14.83. (That was with me getting a sandwich and water, no fancy combo or anything.)

The man handed me three empty cups and I proceeded to fill them while barking at Satchel not to touch the fancy computer they had for customers. I was so frazzled that I acquiesced to Jiro’s demands for orange Fanta instead of pink lemonade. (I doubt the actual sugar/nasty ingredient content differs all that much anyway.) We sat down at a table and surprisingly Jiro happily got in the highchair after discovering that he was too short to comfortably tilt his straw into his mouth from the table. Satchel was excited by the postcards of the Bay Bridge on the table. “Hey! We’ve been there!” he squealed.

The monkeys managed to get primo spots and I was left with the setting sun blinding me through the front window. It must have cast a glow on my water glass because Jiro looked at me and asked hopefully, “That beer?”

Since it seemed to be taking a long time for the food, I decided to do a pre-emptive bathroom run with Jiro. Satchel asked if he could wait at the table and I agreed. (He’s actually very good about staying out of trouble when no one is watching.)

The women’s room was out of order, so we used the men’s room. It was pretty basic and the trip was uneventful. Jiro was happy to sprint back through the restaurant to his orange Fanta. The man arrived a few minutes later with our food. Satchel looked at his plate and said, “Is this all?” I had grabbed his cookie, so he was left staring at a mini pizza and a bag of chips.

“That’s all,” I said.

He looked at Jiro’s PB&J and said he wanted it. I suggested doing “halfsies” but he decided he did want all of his pizza after all. (With some negotiating, I was able to get a piece of it for Jiro.)

As Satchel took a bite of his pizza he said, “This is yummy.”

Jiro took a bite of his and said, “No like that,” followed by “I need to go poop.”

Once again I left Satchel at the table while Jiro and I went to the men’s room.

When we returned, Jiro proceeded to slowly lick the jelly off of his sandwich. “I’m done,” he informed me two seconds later. I did what I had to do. I got him a refill on the Fanta.

My roast beef sandwich was pretty good as far as sandwiches go. I liked the bread and it was a decent size. Sandwiches for dinner are just sort of anti-climactic for me though. I was about half-way through when Satchel said, “I need to poop.”

There was no way that I was going to leave Jiro unattended, so we all set off for the bathroom. My third trip! I notified the guy behind the counter so he wouldn’t throw away our food while we were otherwise occupied. Thankfully Satchel was quick and we were back at the table in no time.

By now the dude with the laptop was gone and so was the other family. The owner came out with his vacuum and went to work. My first thought was, Did that family make such a mess that the guy was counting the seconds until they left? Then He must really hate kids! And finally, Why do they have carpet in here anyway? Once he was done cleaning their mess, he headed our way. Can’t he just wait ‘til we’re done? Then I noticed that the vacuum was actually keeping the monkeys occupied, so I commenced eating while I could.

With most of their dinners still on their plates, I handed them their cookies in an attempt to squash any notions they had about going to the “ice cream store” for dessert. Once in possession of their desserts, both monkeys got up from the table and began exploring. I quickly got a box for the leftovers and hoped to make a break for it before they did any damage. Satchel had discovered an oversized checkers game by the sofas and wanted to play. I didn’t see any harm in it, and decided to try and teach him.

He and Jiro were both very interested for about five minutes. Once Jiro lost interest he started climbing on the back of the sofa to set up a jump.

“That’s it guys,” I said as the owner stared at me from our previous table. I smiled and picked up Jiro and herded him and Satchel out the door. As it swung shut behind us I noticed that they closed at 7:00pm. I looked at my watch. It read 7:30pm.

Oh my god, we totally suck!

No wonder they don’t do free kids meals.

Firehouse Subs

Firehouse Subs
7685 Farmington Blvd. Suite 108
755-8633

After spending two hours at the Germantown Center's indoor pool watching the monkeys (Satchel, 4, and Jiro, 2) jump (floatie-free) from the diving board into 14 foot deep water (and then repeatedly retrieving them one by one with a knot in my throat and a giant noodle between my legs), I was starved. (And so were the monkeys.) I had noticed a new sandwich shop with a fireman them nearby on Farmington Road, and decided to stop for a late lunch/early dinner. I could only assume that fireman theme=family-friendly.

I was right. I think. Firehouse Subs did seem to be projecting a wholesome and welcoming environment. The theme was clear, yet low-key. Picture Dalmatian print table tops and portraits of fires in Pottery Barn frames. When we walked in, the man behind the counter came right over and greeted us warmly. It was rainy out and since the place was pretty empty, I assumed he was happy just to have some customers.

As I perused the kids' menu (a variety of sandwiches served on sliced white bread or sub roll with American cheese, a kid's beverage, 2 Oreo cookies and a FREE fire hat), the man quickly rounded the counter and placed a red plastic firehat on each of the monkey's heads. He had a big grin on his face and expected the monkeys to be overjoyed by his gift. They were nonplussed. (Satchel slyly set his hat on the condiment table.) They only had eyes for the big chip display right next to us. As they grabbed chips in both hands (despite my pleas not to), I asked the dude if chips came with the kids' meals. "No," he said, "but the adult meals do." (I wanted to ask if we could trade the hats for chips, but held my tongue.)

I ordered Satchel a PB&J and Jiro a grilled cheese. I felt kind of ridiculous ordering these items, especially at $3.99 a pop, but due to the emptiness of their bellies, I needed to get something I knew they would eat. I got myself the Hook & Ladder (smoked turkey breast and Virginia honey ham smothered with Monterey Jack and served “Fully Involved”). Our total came to $14 and some change, which caused me to pause, swallow hard, and squint up at the menu.

I turned my attention away from my empty wallet and towards getting one of the monkeys to relinquish a bag of chips. Neither of them would acquiese. I decided to try and distract them with drinks. Lemonades in hand, they ran to a table and immediately popped open their chips. I decided to pretend like I thought we were acting kosher and quietly waited for our sandwiches to arrive. If asked, I would fork over the extra $1, $2, $3 or whatever exorbitant price they were charging for the contraband chips.

Our sandwiches arrived and nothing was said. I quickly grabbed the Oreos out of each of the monkey's baskets and held them hostage. Satchel ate his PB&J like it was the best thing ever. (I actually couldn't remember the last PB&J I had made him.) Surprisingly, Jiro dug into his grilled cheese and ate almost half of it before demanding his cookies. I ate half of my good, but nothing special, sandwich in relative peace. The monkeys were actually so hungry that it didn't occur to them to act up.

A first!

Warren called my cellphone and reminded me that the babysitter was coming soon, so I loaded the monkeys and their leftovers (but no fire hats) into the car and headed home. We made it a block before Jiro fell asleep. (He had black crumbs and a big smile on his face.) I considered the meal a success, but couldn't imagine ever spending that kind of cash on sandwiches again in the near future.

McAllister's

After numerous threats of bodily harm, RJA has come through with another hilarious review.

McAllister’s
Poplar Plaza

Normally I wouldn’t even take the time to review a place like McAllister’s. It’s akin to reviewing an Applebee’s or Friday’s or Burger King, as far as I’m concerned. I’m a firm believer in supporting the small business. As a small business owner myself, it’s something I wish others took to heart as much as I. There are times I think I may go overboard, because when we go to the Ma & Pa restaurants, at some point during the evening, The Quartet will start playing with napkins or straws or toothpicks, and it’s then that they get my lecture on how everything in there costs somebody money. “Even though they’re free to you, doesn’t mean they were free to the owner of this business. Now put that napkin down and wipe your mouth on your brother’s shirt, it’s his turn.” And I normally wouldn’t even choose to eat at a McAllister’s as I find the food incredibly mediocre and don’t understand all the fuss about the sweet tea, but McAllister whispered those three little words to me that everyone wants to hear, every parent of four, anyway: Kids Eat Free. Or don’t eat, as far as my kids are concerned, what the hell do I care? I didn’t pay for it.

Kristy had to work that evening so I had The Quartet all to myself. Because you can’t discern inflection over the internet, let me clarify that I’m not saying that in the tone of “I had the TV all to myself” but more like “I had the stomach flu all to myself.” These kids are good up to a point, and apparently that point is about 6:15, while standing in line at a McAllister’s to order dinner. Since Admiral Jeff had to work as well, Andria and M joined us for an impromptu playdate. Either that or it was the most poorly planned extramarital affair ever.

It all began while in line to order, and it all began with JP. JP. Where did we go wrong? This child used to be my quiet one. He could sit still, quietly taking in everything going on around him without even a peep. He’s gone through some sort of change, though, and the reason is hard to discern. Flying too close to the yellow sun of Earth? Not likely. Gamma rays? Hardly. All the sugar he’s consumed daily over the last five years finally catching up to him? Possibly. All I know is he’s uncontrollable with his gleeful screams and his herky-jerky, Tourette’s-like movements. And there it was, on full display for all of McAllister’s to see. So I held GK, still quiet and still in her car seat/carrier-thing, while holding JP by one hand and trying to take drink orders and simultaneously give our order for dinner. The bright side is I think the teenager behind the counter took pity on me and gave me three kids’ meals free instead of the stated two-per-paying-adult limit. At least I think that was pity in her eyes. It could have been fear. Either way they were all free and it should keep that young lady in the practice of safe sex. One thing about the Poplar Plaza McAllister’s is that, even though there’s no real service in the sense of waitresses or bartenders, the help there is very helpful. I had assistance carrying our drinks to the table (the help I brought with me was decidedly unhelpful) and she was quick to point out the high chairs.

Once on the patio, S immediately refused to eat her turkey sandwich. And then she ate her turkey sandwich. JP ate his PB&J between fits and ticks and jubilant screams. C ate a turkey & cheese sandwich. They then decided it was time to play school. I have never seen these children play school. Why would they decide to organize playtime like this while on the patio of a restaurant? To make my head explode, that’s why. They rearranged their chairs to more of a schoolroom feel, not realizing (or caring) that they included two adjacent diners into their classroom. They took turns being the teacher, which meant standing up on the ledge of the giant front window and yelling out instructions to the others. Apparently these instructions included running to the other side of the patio and, for JP anyway, doing some sort of frenetic modern dance.

M looked on in awe. I’ve heard M can terrorize a Gus’s Fried Chicken or a Pei-Wei well enough in her own right, but she watched The Quartet like a Mormon at her first Rolling Stones concert – a little admiration and a little bit of fear. Andria ate her dinner, completely unaware of the mischief at hand, the words playing over and over in her head inaudible, yet completely readable on her face: “Not my kids. Not my kids. Not my kids.”

As usual, dinner ended with me vowing never to return…until next Tuesday, because, after all, kids do eat free.

Andria also reviewed McAllister's awhile back. Read her review here.

Bogie's

Bogie’s Delicatessen
2098 LaSalle
272-0022

Warren and I have been taking the monkeys (Satchel, 4, and Jiro, 2) out to eat a lot, but somehow we keep ending up at Sakura, which I’ve already told you about. This morning, however, we had an impromptu breakfast at Bogie’s with our friends from out of town (including their little monkey). As we walked through the parking lot of the Malco at 8:45am I laughed and said, “I don’t think of been to this Bogie’s in years. I always end up at the one downtown.” (I love me some Bogie's pasta salad. And turkey delight sandwich. And brownies.) I had imagined that they had some sort of breakfast rush, which we managed to miss, but the woman behind the counter informed us that we were the first customers of the day.

Satchel pressed his nose on the display window and said, “I want a hunk of ham,” before noticing that there was a table covered with cookies. I suppose they were cooling off, but they were right there in plain sight where the monkeys could grab them with their filthy paws and shove them into their mouths! He ran over and stared wide-eyed at them and Jiro was right on his heels. Believe it or not, I said, “No cookies for breakfast,” and they listened.

Chalk one up for mama.

Bogie's breakfast menu is pretty limited—various flavored bagels with various toppings. We all started off ordering plain ol’ bagels and cream cheese until one person went for the bacon, egg, and cheese bagel, and we all changed our orders to follow suit. I mean who wants to eat a bagel with cream cheese when the person next to them has a bagel with bacon, egg, and cheese? Not me. By the time we were getting rung up, my monkeys had discovered the wall of chips and were busy trying to break them open one by one. The woman at the register gave me the look and I tried my winning, “Chips are not for breakfast,” routine, but I was completely ignored. The popping noise of chips opening was followed by the ringing of the cash register. I took it in stride and ordered myself a coke. Our total for six bagels, one fountain drink, and two bags of chips was $21.04. (Maybe there were more drinks. I’m not really sure.)

We all filed out on to the patio in the hopes of keeping the monkeys contained while we waited for the bagels to be ready. Turns out we weren't actually the first customers of the day, unless the two people on the patio just came to smoke. I took a sip of my coke and ignored the smell of Virginia slims wafting over to us. My friends, former Californians, seemed nonplussed which was good. Probably because when they asked me, “What’s that piss smell?” on the way over, I had replied, “Piss smell? Oh, uh, I guess that’s just Midtown.”

After sitting still, eating chips, and drinking water for five minutes, Jiro made his first break. He ran to the ramp heading to the parking lot and gave me his, “I’m getting myself into trouble” look and dared me to come get him. I did, of course, and then kind of huffed in the door to see where our frickin bagels were. I could see the woman putting on the final touches in the kitchen so I turned my huff into a smooth “here, let me get the door for you” maneuver.

Jiro had no interest in his bagel whatsoever, but Satchel was extremely excited about his. “Bagels make you strong, right?” he asked immediately followed by, “Blueberries make you strong, right?” The adults all seemed pleased with their meaty/eggy/cheesy bagel combinations, but no one was more pleased that our friends’ little monkey, Miles. He had cream cheese in his hair and up his nose and happily offered a finger full of it to everyone in sight. Jiro actually took him up on his offer several times.

Eventually Jiro made another break for the parking lot, Satchel declared himself full after eating half of his bagel, and Miles had his cream cheese confiscated. I discarded our numerous napkins and refilled my coke and we were out the door and on our way to the red playground by 9:30am.