Lee's Fresh Sushi

Lee's Fresh Sushi
6646 Poplar
681-0111

One of our favorite places to go when we are in a hurry is Lee's Fresh Sushi, a.k.a. "Gas Station Sushi." Yes, sushi in a gas station. It was one of my go to's for a quick lunch, and ever since I introduced it to the monkeys (Satchel, 9, and Jiro, 7) it has been ON. (One of our favorite things to do is to sneak it into the movies, shhh!)

On Friday night after a Target run (the monkeys have been saving their money for Nerf guns) we did a quick drive through.



Since we go so often, the monkeys don't spend too much time perusing the shelves. They go right for their favorite--the crunchy shrimp tempura with eel sauce but without spicy sauce.




Last night a woman walked by, looked at the monkeys with sushi in hand, and asked amazed, "You eat that?" They grinned and looked at each other. I assured her that there weren't any vegetables involved other than a little seaweed. Basically this is the chicken nuggets of sushi rolls. (In their defense they do like quite a range of sushi. Satchel has been known to down three house rolls at Sekisui and beg for a fourth.)

I really like the shrimp tempura roll. I'm pretty sure it is their biggest seller. I'm often tempted to get one with spicy sauce for myself, but the monkeys rarely eat all of theirs, so I settle for their cast offs. I typically get the spicy tuna or the spicy crawfish.



Instead of avocado, which tends to brown, they use cucumbers in most of their rolls. They also have a special rice formula that keeps it from getting hard. They make sushi fresh all day, but they still have to be mindful of the fact that it can be refrigerated for several hours.

In addition to sushi they have edamame, seaweed salad, squid salad, dumplings, and egg rolls. We usually stick to sushi although I have tried the squid salad a couple of times.

Each sushi roll is about $6 and has 12 pieces--a very good deal. Even better, with every four you buy, the fifth is free. You also get a free Coke product with every two rolls you buy.



I've completely eliminated soft drinks from my diet so I tried to pass on the free drink, but the check out dude was insistent. "You can get a Dasani," he told me. While we debated, Jiro quickly ran and got a Diet Sprite. I relented. Honestly I was happy that was all Jiro tried to sneak in. Going to the gas station for dinner can backfire when the monkeys remember that the candy and chip aisles exist.

Once in the car, it is time to eat. There are chopsticks available, but we usually just use our fingers like they do in Japan. Likewise, we don't use any soy sauce. Smothering sushi in soy sauce and wasabi is very American and quite rude especially if done in front of the sushi chef. But I say if you are eating sushi from a gas station you can make up your own rules.



Don't forget the napkins!

Five Guys Burgers and Fries

Ed. Note: Friend, burger lover, and Go With Family blogger, Liz, braved the opening night crowds with her 7 and 3 year old monkeys to bring us this report of Five Guys Burgers and Fries. Thanks, Liz!

Five Guys Burgers and Fries
1315 Ridgeway
680-5386

Last summer, our family made an epic drive from Memphis to New Hampshire in a bare two-and-a-half days. On this tight schedule, we had to set aside our usual scruples against nasty fast food. There was no time for exploring Road Food’s recommendations or exploring byways on our own. Nonetheless, we did our best to hit restaurants that would at least serve food we liked. It’s not that we never eat at burger joints, by the way. When we’re in the Midwest, we carry a map of all the Culvers locations so we can enjoy an exquisite butterburger and frozen custard combo. I guess we’re just particular.

So there we were, heading north through Virginia on I-81, suddenly desperately hungry but reluctant to visit McDonaldland. When we saw an unfamiliar red-and-white checked sign on the highway sign alerting us to the next exit’s dining options, we decided to chance it. We thought maybe it was one of those rare local places that make it onto those signs. And we believed that for a while--the food was that tasty--until we realized that Five Guys was a huge DC-area phenomenon, with the area’s highest Zagat ratings for burgers and a plan for expansion that, unbeknownst to us, included Memphis, TN.



The first thing you see when you walk into a Five Guys is the peanuts. Great big open boxes of peanuts in their shells. A sign on door warns diners with nut allergies that the place is basically aerosolized with peanuts. Even the fries are cooked in peanut oil. But if you’re safe around peanuts, dive in. They’re fresh-tasting and will get you through the almost inevitable wait. When we (me, husband Josh, 7 year-old monkey Gus, and 3 1/2 year old monkey Solly) arrived at around 6 on opening night at its new Ridgeway location, there was a line out the door. It was longer when we left. The vibe was festive and crowded, but even with the crush, a smiling server stopped by the table a couple of times to ask if we needed anything.



Fortunately, you can order online. I signed up while we waited and placed our whole order from my phone. (There’s even a mobile app -- Android only, as of now -- for Five Guys fans.) Though it took longer than the site predicted once I’d finished ordering, I’ll chalk that up to opening day. In every other way, the place was running smoothly. It was clean and bright, and Gus recognized the trademark red and white decor the moment we entered.



Whether you order online or in person, you’ll find that the menu sticks to what they do well: burgers, available with cheese and/or bacon, hot dogs and fries. Within that simple framework, though, there’s surprising flexibility. (Their website claims that “There are over 250,000 possible ways to order a burger at Five Guys.”) The online ordering setup offers a crazy selection of toppings (mayo, relish, onions, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup, mustard, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, A-1 Steak Sauce, bar-b-q sauce and hot sauce), in three levels of intensity (regular, lite, or extra). “All the Way” is ketchup, mustard, mayo, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions and grilled mushrooms.




According to their website, the burger itself is made from never-frozen, freshly-ground beef. Grilled so there’s a deep mahogany crust, it has a toothsome nubbly texture and robust beef flavor, and it’s served on a nice seeded bun. I had mine with cheese (they only offer American), plus mushrooms and onions, which could’ve been more deeply browned, but still tasted good. Mine came as a double. I’m not sure whether this was a mistake or that’s just what they do, but I wasn’t complaining. We got two orders of fries, one each in plain and Cajun. One regular size order would’ve fed four of us just fine. They were good, but not as crispy as I remembered them being in Virginia. Gus had bacon on his Little Cheeseburger. After all those nice shelled peanuts and fries, it was too much food. Solly couldn’t finish his, either, but what else is new?




Five Guys accommodates trailing vegetarians, in a way, though the only non-burger options other than hot dogs is grilled cheese or a veggie sandwich with or without cheese on a bun. My husband Josh, who doesn’t eat red meat, said, “If you’re a vegetarian, don’t ever go to this restaurant. It’s not a place for vegetarians,” not because his vegetable and cheese sandwich was poorly executed, but because it’s essentially toppings on a bun.

I was thrilled that the big soda selection included soda water and tap water, so we didn’t have to order bottled. They also had root beer, lemonade and Sprite Zero, which I didn’t even know existed. There’s a water fountain, too.

The tab was $33.54 including tax. Not as cheap as the McDonald’s across the parking lot, but a good deal for a family dinner that actually tasted like food. Five Guys is at 1315 Ridgeway Rd., near the corner of Primacy Parkway. It’s open from 11 a.m.-10 p.m.

In-N-Out Burger

In-N-Out Burger
Somewhere in California

Warren was all about getting some In-N-Out Burger while we were in California. I'd been with him on one of my first visits to California, but didn't remember what the big deal was. Obviously, I wasn't the foodie I am today.

The monkeys (Satchel, 8, and Jiro, 6) are always up for a good cheeseburger. We stopped at one just before we left the state, near the Arizona border. They have a definite 50s vibe, both inside and out.


They make the workers wear these douche-y hats.


However, if you look beyond the douche-y hats (and let's be honest, shirts and pants), you can see the workers actually cutting potatoes and onions and making things nice and fresh. The menu is pretty simple" hamburgers, cheese burgers, french fries, soda, and milkshakes. The monkeys requested cheeseburgers and fries, and Warren and I went for regular hamburgers. Warren requested some stickers for the kids to play with while we waited.


They were actually cute little scenes and the monkeys loved putting people on the roof, hamburgers under tires, etc.


I filled up everyone's drinks and then went to retrieve our food when they called our number. I was immediately impressed by the sea of French fries.


I really liked how not greasy they were, and I didn't miss the salt. When we got to the bottom, we saw that they are really proud of their potatoes, and they should be.


Satchel pointed out that they made great Wolverine-esque claws.


He liked them so much, he decided to put them on his burger.


One final note on the fries. We noticed that the guy behind us was eating his fries with a bunch of stuff piled on top. I went to inquire at the counter and was told that they were "Animal Fries." They aren't on the menu so you have to know to ask for them. It's an order of fries with two slices of melted cheese, grilled onions, pickles, and the special "spread." Um, yum! I'm glad we didn't eat any though! (We had a gluttonous vacation!)

OK, let's talk about the burgers and that spread. They come standard with lettuce, tomato, onion, and spread. The spread is like Thousand Island dressing with a little relish thrown in. It tastes good, but after looking at the nutritional info (that all restaurants in California are required to provide), I decided that I'd order mine with ketchup next time and save myself 9 grams of fat.


Here Jiro demonstrates what it would look like if he were to actually eat his burger. Warren failed to order his with cheese and minus the offending lettuce, tomato, onion, and spread. I removed the offenders, but he didn't like what little spread had soaked into his burger. (Warren ended up eating it and I got Jiro one the way he likes it to go.)


The burgers are also impressive and they make sure to tell you why.


All in all, I was extremely impressed by In-N-Out. All fast food places should take a cue from them: local, fresh, fast, delicious, and NO styrofoam!

Taco Bueno (Amarillo, TX)

Taco Bueno
6001 W Interstate 40
Amarillo, TX
(806) 352-7526

Driving through Texas we of course considered going to the Big Texan for a "free 72oz steak," but we were in a rush. I asked Jiro (age 6) what he wanted to eat and he replied, "Uh, McDonald's? That's the only thing I can think of." He and his brother, Satchel (age 8), aren't really fans of McDonald's food as much as they are fans of McDonald's toys. They reeeally want the Last Airbender toys. When Warren and I groaned, Satchel piped in with, "Taco Bell!" I'd seen a sign for Taco Bueno, which I assumed was close in menu items and price, and then Warren saw it on the exit sign, so we went for it.


We were the only people there, but I'm pretty sure it was a weird time to be eating lunch--maybe 2:30pm? The man who took our order appeared to also be the manager because he was super friendly and chatty. There were lots of pictures of the food and a very prominent salsa bar by the counter.


I placed our order and exchanged niceties with the manager while the boys got a table. Here Jiro demonstrates some typical monkey behavior that usually occurs prior to the food arriving...


Our food came out quickly and looked pretty good. I decided to get the Mexi Dips which included bean dip, guacamole, and cheese dip.


I also hit the salsa bar.


Warren wanted a party meal that came with two burritos and a taco. I got the monkeys a kids' meal which came with a bean burrito, chips and dip, and the equivalent of Cinnamon Crispas. The monkeys had very little interest in the food, but for whatever reason they were entranced by the activity book.


Satchel actually said he needed his own table in order to fully enjoy the book.


Meanwhile, I was busy telling Warren that I didn't like the guacamole and that it tasted frost bitten. "I'm sure it was frozen," I said. The manager, who I don't think heard me, came over just to check on us and noticed I hadn't eaten my guac. I told him why and he said they made it fresh several times a day and that I must have gotten the end of the morning's batch. He then went and got me another serving of the fresher guacamole. I didn't think it tasted much better, but decided it was just the recipe. Regardless I liked getting that kind of service at a fast food restaurant.

When I was about done, Jiro, who had rejected his bean burrito and donated it to Warren, requested a chicken roll up. I had actually thought I'd ordered him one to begin with, but checked my receipt and it wasn't on there. While we waited for him to eat it, Satchel continued coloring, and Warren, our driver, checked in on Facebook. This is what he looks like when he posts a clever comment.


Jiro gave the thumbs up to the chicken roll up and then proudly showed us his kids' meal masterpiece.


So would we eat there again? I'm not sure. It was definitely better than the average fast food place, but it will probably come down to whether we feel like eating a 72oz steak or not.

Feltner's Whatta-Burger (Russellville, AR)

Feltner's Whatta-Burger
1410 North Arkansas Avenue
Russellville, AR
(479) 968-1410

As we set forth towards California on Interstate 40, we got hungry near Russellville, Arkansas. We'd been camping near there a few months ago and lamented the fact that we didn't stop at the Butcher Boy for a burger. Our last attempt was on a Sunday and they were closed. Ditto for Monday. (It was the Monday after the fourth of July if that makes a difference.) Luckily I had my Road Food book with me and the Sterns highly recommended Feltner's Whatta-Burger which was just a mile and a half away. (Just far enough off the highway as to not be immediately obvious.) The monkeys (Satchel, 8, and Jiro, 6) love a good burger.

As you can see from the sign, this place has been around awhile. 1967 to be exact.


It has that distinctive Whatta-Burger look. "It has height!" according to Satchel.


The Road Food review said to have your order ready when you walked in because someone would quickly come to take it. I was explaining this to Warren as we walked in. We joined the back of a very long line and Warren was in the midst of making some snide remark about it being awhile before we had to order when a kid came over and asked what we wanted.

I tried to simply order us all burgers, but we had to be very specific about sizes and toppings and whatnot. He was scribbling our order down on a white paper bag, apparently incorrectly because soon a girl came over to correct him. She also helped pin us down on sizes and toppings. When I ordered fries the dude asked, "Personal size?" I stared blankly and said, "Uh, just regular." The girl nodded at me and said to the guy, "Small fries." Once we got the burger and fries down, I proceeded to tell them our drink order, but they stopped me. "You'll order drinks at the front of the line." Alrighty...

While we were in line we took in the ambiance. There are cutesy signs everywhere (Procrastinate Tomorrow, No Tresspassing Allowed, We guarantee fast service no matter how long it takes); things hanging from the ceiling; newspaper clippings; etc. You definitely won't get bored in line, but if you are like me, you will find it hard not to make fun of the fact that there are twelve people (at least) working behind the counter and it still takes 15 minutes to get your food.


It's clear that Feltner's is an institution in Russellvillle, and I guess that means they like to employ the entire graduating senior class for the summer! It is truly astounding to watch the way each step of the burger making process has been broken down. I'm pretty sure one girl spends the day putting tomatoes on a bun. And that's it! But hey, they did have some good lookin' tomatoes. Definitely locally grown.

Once I secured our drinks, I sent the boys to get a table. Warren thought they were Subway hand me downs, but I'm not so sure about that.


With a minimum of twelve people on staff, I would expect one of them to deliver the food to the table, but they don't. I patiently waited for our white paper bag to be filled with burgers and fries and handed to me. Once that happened, I was allowed to pay. Our grand total was about $20. Very nice. And no line for tipping or a tip jar in sight I might add.

Speaking of money, I feel compelled to mention that Feltner's has the weirdest pricing I've ever seen. For example, a large drink was $2.01. A Whatta drink (the size larger than large) was $2.35. Everything was like that. There were no .99, $1.99, $2.99, etc. My initial thought was, "Huh, I guess they put a lot of thought into their pricing." My next thought was, "I bet the girl who has to remember the prices makes better grades than the tomato girl."

I headed back to the table with the food and we all dug in. I was impressed by the kids' meal. (I think they call it a Dino Jr.?) The burger, fries, drink, and cookies (your choice of Oreos or Teddy Grahams) was definitely a good size for my hungry boys.


Yes, this is Jiro eating his Oreos first. (Satchel's are still in my purse.)


Warren, just a little road weary, reported that the onion rings were delicious.


Here's a peek at those tomatoes I've been talking about.


All in all we liked the food and had a better experience that we would have at McDonald's. Was it the best burger ever? No. But was it worth stopping for? Yes.

We all visited the bathrooms which were outside. They were large and clean. Surprisingly no changing table though. Oh Warren and I were impressed that just the cups were styrofoam. Everything else was paper or cardboard.

Chick-fil-A (Midtown)

Chick-fil-A
1980 Union Ave
272-0511

It's been nearly two years since we ate at a Chick-fil-A, mostly due to the fact that the monkeys declared the chicken "gross" and refused to eat. (Is it true that they marinate it in pickle juice?)

So, imagine my surprise when the monkeys (Satchel, 7, and Jiro, 5) were clamoring to go to Chick-fil-A last Tuesday when I picked them up from school. "Please!" they begged. "Everyone from school is going! Please!" Considering I had seen and heard an abundance of people at school--and frankly all over Midtown--talking about the new Chick-fil-A, I was inclined to believe them. Warren had class and I didn't feel like cooking, so I gave in under the condition that they actually eat their food.

Besides, I was curious to see what the place looked like.

As you may or may not know, the new Chick-fil-A on Union is special. The company agreed to leave the front facade of the old Cumberland Presbyterian Church up after Memphis Heritage lead a fight to preserve the historic structure which was slated for demolition. The company spent more money -- it won't disclose how much -- to grant the community's wish and to have the restaurant's appearance complement the wall.

That's huge.


There's been lots of grumbling--at least among my Facebook friends--about the ridiculousness of the facade, but I'm here to tell you that it's pretty freaking awesome. I expected there to be just bricks on the backside, but it's completely finished and looks like new. There are also very nice lighting fixtures and a delightful seating area behind there. People in the drive through can look through the windows while they wait.

I give it a gigantic, Sissy Hankshaw, nine-inch thumbs up.

Okay, so back to dinner. Before I could discover the beauty behind the facade, I had to get a parking spot--no small task. The parking lot seems to be completely counter intuitive, and with the masses coming out, well, en masse, I had to circle the block twice before finding a place to park. Even though I was in the official Chick-fil-A parking lot, it was still quite a jaunt to get in the building.

As we made our way to the door, Satchel spotted a car that looked like Warren's. "Look! Daddy is here!" he said excitedly.

"Daddy is not here," I replied with a giggle.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"I promise you that Daddy would not tell us he was going to school and then hide out in a Chick-fil-A," I assured him.

Inside, we immediately saw the monkeys' friends from school. While I good-naturedly thanked the parents for having their children exert a fierce amount of peer pressure upon my children, I noticed another friend of mine from roller derby. She appeared to be all alone, but it turned out that her kids were in the playland with the rest of Midtown's under ten population.

Which brings me to my next point. Why don't any of the other chain restaurants in Midtown have playlands? It seems that this fact alone is making Chick-fil-A extremely popular.

By the time I was ready to order, the monkeys were scaling a giant plastic slide, so I decided to make an executive decision and order them whatever I wanted. (It's not like there's a lot of choice involved--chicken or chicken, right?) I'll admit that I had to wait in line longer than I thought necessary. Yes, the place was packed, but no, the girl behind the register didn't quite have her act together. I reminded myself that this particular restaurant had been open for exactly 5 days and to cut her some slack.

I ordered each of the monkeys a 6 piece nugget meal (as opposed to a 2 piece tender meal). I got fruit and white milk for Satchel and waffle fries and chocolate milk for Jiro. (I decided I'd eat at home.) My friend had given me the heads up that my food would be delivered to the table so I joined her and waited. I noticed that there were fresh flowers on the table and my friend confirmed that this was the norm. Nice.

The food came out quite fast and eventually the monkeys took a break from the playland to check it out. Jiro had one fry before disappearing again, but Satchel dutifully sat and ate both his chicken and his fruit. "I want water," he said, eying his milk. Before I could even get one cheek off the seat, a Chick-fil-A "waitress" came over and asked if I needed anything. "Water, please," I said. And then poof! We had water. A few minutes later we needed napkins, and poof! There were napkins.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

Satchel finished his food and went back to play for a bit. Meanwhile, my friend's oldest daughter came over to eat her food. When she was done, she asked if she could trade in her "toy" (which was an activity book of some sort) for ice cream. Huh? My friend, who by now had outed herself as a Chick-fil-A disciple, confirmed that unopened "toys" from kids' meals could be traded in for free ice cream. I used this information to get Jiro to actually finish his dinner on his most recent visit to the table.

Much to my horror, he sat down and put all six of his nuggets in his mouth and chewed them up. He did it before I could stop him, or believe me, I would have! Luckily (?) the nuggets are rather small, so it wasn't too bad. Speaking of, those nuggets sure are small! I really think the kids' meal is more of a "snack" for my giant monkeys.

Once Jiro was done, we said goodbye to his school friends, my friends, and then headed over to the counter to redeem our "toys" for free ice cream. It took an eternity. I'm not exaggerating! I had to make sure that we were all on the same page a couple of times. When we did eventually get the ice cream, the nice young man explained he'd been busy making shakes. I think we just had bad timing all night, but dang. Anyways, the wait time gave me an excuse to send the monkeys to the bathroom to wash their hands. They had managed to get incredibly dirty in the playland and I started getting twitchy about swine flu.

Ice cream in hand, we went to enjoy the outdoor seating area behind the facade. The monkeys thought it was just as cool as I did. Had I let them, they would have been happy to hang out there all night!

I'm sure we'll be back again soon--along with the rest of Midtown. Maybe I'll even eat next time!

Danver's

Danver’s
1468 Union Avenue

Tuesday night, after Satchel successfully earned his yellow belt in Taekwondo and Warren successfully finished his lat exam, we decided to go out to dinner to celebrate. Our plan was to go to Sean’s Deli. After a drive-by (it was 8:00pm), it looked pretty dead, so we decided to try Al-Rayan instead. (I actually argued that it wasn’t in existence anymore, but I was wrong.) Al-Rayan looked a little dead too, but our stomachs were growling so we went in anyway.

Right away Warren noticed a sign that read, “Cash only. No credit cards.” I had zero cash and Warren had about $15. We looked at the menu. We might be able to pull off a $15 meal, but we were celebrating and didn’t want to budget. “Let’s go somewhere else,” I said. The monkeys immediately started moaning, “Why? We like it here,” but Warren agreed. “Let’s get a shwarma to go,” he suggested. “I’ll take it for lunch tomorrow.”

He put in his order and I headed to the car with the monkeys, who were growing increasingly rowdy with no food. By the time Warren joined us, any hope of a sit down dinner had gone out the window. We needed food NOW. (Well, the monkeys did, I already had my hands on the shwarma.)

“You decide,” I said to Warren.

“How about Danver’s?” he said.

“Danver’s?” I asked. “Seriously?” Warren always wants to go to Danvers for some reason I had yet to determine.

“Yes, Danver’s,” he said. “One time I went and the manager was walking around checking on people and the food was really good.

Since I was half-way through the shwarma and I wanted the monkeys to have quick access to food, I said OK.

As we pulled in, the monkeys started complaining. “I don’t want to eat here!” Satchel whined. “I hate you, Mommy,” Jiro said.

Me? This wasn’t my choice! I couldn’t help laughing at the irony of it all. I’m sure they would have looked at their Middle Eastern plates at Al Rayan and surely turned their noses up.

“Can you guys at least try it before you decide you hate it?’ I asked.

More whining.

“They have hamburgers,” I said.

This was enough to get Satchel on board. Hamburgers are his very favorite thing to eat. Once he was out of the car, Jiro had no choice but to suck it up. By the time we were inside, Jiro was sweetly inquiring, “What kind of food do they have here?”

“Hamburgers, roaster beef, chicken nuggets...” I fully expected him to stop me at chicken nuggets, his usual, but he didn’t. “...french fries, baked potatoes...”

“I think I’ll try a hamburger,” he said.

This might sound crazy, but Jiro has never had a hamburger. He just has never had any interest. “Are you sure?” I asked. He was.

When Satchel heard me say baked potato, he was practically jumping for joy. “I want one too,” Jiro said. They had already eyed the salad bar and were thinking ahead to the possibility of unlimited access to cheese, bacon bits, and butter.

I placed our order while Warren sat down with boys. When our $25 total came up, I couldn’t help groaning. Then, like a miracle, the woman behind the counter said, “You had kids with you, right?” I nodded. “It’s kids eat free night.” Score! Our new total was a much more pleasant $15.

When our food was ready, I motioned for the boys to come over. Warren walked them through the salad bar, letting them dress their burgers and potatoes. Having ordered a roast beef sandwich and fries, I only needed horseradish and ketchup. The boys absolutely loved dressing their own stuff and by the time we sat down, they were all smiles.

“What did the place used to be?” Warren asked me. Sometimes I don’t know if he is just making conversation or if he really thinks I know stuff like this.

“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s been a Danver’s as long as I can remember.’

“It looks a little like Pizza Hut,” he said.

“It tastes a little like Pizza Hut too,” Satchel said as he took a big bite of his burger. Then he continued, “This is better than McDonald’s. I wish all of the McDonald’s were torn down and replaced with this Danver’s. Actually, I wish every building was torn down and replaced with Danver’s. Except houses.”

Clearly Satchel has a bright future in urban planning.

Next Jiro chimed in. “I love hamburgers!” He was plowing right through his.

“Want to know my favorite places?” Satchel asked. Not waiting for a response, he began listing them. “Danver’s, CK’s, and Will’s house.”

“Will’s house?” I asked.

“Yeah, Mr. Aaron (Will’s dad) makes the best hamburgers ever. He cooks them on the grill for twenty minutes.”

“Is that so,” I said politely.

“Do they work all night here?” Satchel asked, clearly wondering if Danver’s should outrank CK’s.

Jiro, who was now eating his loaded baked potato said, “I love this!” And if that weren’t thanks enough, he continued, “Thank you, Mommy. Thank you for coming here.”

McDonald's

McDonald's
2073 Union

Like most American children, my children (Satchel, 6, and Jiro, 4) love McDonald’s. What do they love about it exactly? The hamburgers? No. The French fries? No. The chicken nuggets? No.

What could it possibly be…oh, yes, that’s right. The toys.

Every once in a while some kid at school shows up with a toy from McDonald’s that the monkeys want and their demands start in earnest.

I am much better at saying no to McDonald’s than I am at saying no to other things. I say no because I know they only want the toy and that most of their food will be wasted—or worse, eaten by me. I can usually count on them to eat their French fries and drink their milk, but still, there are about a million other things I would rather feed them. (For the record, toys are available for purchase without food.)

But like most American parents, sometimes I need to bribe…er, reward…my children for good behavior.

On a Wednesday night in the not so distant past, Warren had Kendo class and I had a meeting. I took the monkeys with me since the meeting was in a friend’s backyard. I promised them a trip to McDonald’s if they stayed out of trouble.

At 8:30pm we approached the 24 hour McDonald’s on Union. The monkeys were both very excited about the Transformer toys that came with the Happy Meals. I suggested that we get their Happiness to go, but they argued that they wouldn’t truly be Happy unless they were eating inside.

As we walked in to the nearly empty restaurant, I verified that Satchel wanted a hamburger and that Jiro wanted chicken nuggets. “White milk or chocolate?” I asked. (White for Satchel, chocolate for Jiro.)

Inside, I walked to the counter to place their order. They walked to the Transformer display opposite the counter that showed the six different toys that were available. They started pointing at the different figures and saying things like, “I want that one. No, that one. I want that one. Oh, no, that one!” and on and on and on.

“You don’t get to choose,” I reminded them.

The incredibly nice woman working behind the counter smiled, look towards the boys, and called out, “Which ones do you want?”

“Bumblebee!” Jiro said.

“Megatron!” said Satchel.

Wow I thought. What an awesome McDonald’s employee! The monkeys were clearly ecstatic.

The woman quickly found Bumblebee, but Megatron was nowhere to be found. And seriously, she looked everywhere. By this time, I felt awful. “Please, it’s okay, stop…” I pleaded, but she was determined to find the toy.

Eventually, she had to admit defeat and Satchel begrudgingly showed her his second choice, Optimus Prime. I thanked her profusely, and we sat down to eat.

Normally, I would hold the toys hostage until after the meal, but in this case the toys were already in their possession. I tried to be patient as they transformed them and kindly encouraged them to eat their dinner.

“Wow, check this out!” Satchel said as he expertly transformed Optimus Prime from a robot to a car, and then back again.

“Cool,” Jiro cooed as he tried to come to terms with the fact that his first choice, Bumblebee, was kind of lame. Seeing how cool Satchel’s toy was sent him into a rage. “I don’t want Bumblebee!” he said. “I want Starscream!”

That’s when I lost it. “That nice woman let you pick out which one you wanted, now be quiet and eat your dinner!” I yelped.

“NO!” he screamed. “I WANT STARSCREAM!!!”

He was sobbing, inconsolably chanting the phrase “I want Starscream” over and over.

I was mortified. And furious. Who were these children??

“Be quiet or we are going to leave,” I said in my very meanest voice. There was no way I was going to put up with this after the woman had been so accommodating.

“I WANT STARSCREAM!!!” Jiro continued to sob.

“That’s it. Let’s go,” I said as I started packing up our stuff.

Just as I was about to yank Jiro out of his seat, another employee, this time a young man who had been sitting by the window either on his break or waiting for his ride, came over and handed Jiro a Starscream toy.

The crying stopped immediately. “Thank you,” Jiro sniffled.

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” I said to the nice man, but he disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared.

Now, what is a mother to do?

Clearly the McDonald’s employees were going out of their way to make us happy, which I appreciated, but…they were totally undermining my attempt to teach the monkeys a lesson! I didn’t want to take Starscream away and cause an even bigger scene, but I also didn’t want Jiro—and Satchel—to think that screaming and crying is an acceptable or appropriate way to get what you want.

I quietly stewed while they happily played with their toys and ate some of their food. After a few minutes we packed up the remnants, thanked the nice employees again, and left.

In the car, I informed the monkeys (somewhat hysterically) that I had never been more embarrassed in my life and did my best to explain in a way that they could understand why their behavior was so bad. Satchel listened intently and said, "So even though Jiro cried and got the toy he wanted we shouldn't cry to try and get the things we want?" he asked.

"Right," I said.

"Even though it works?" he asked again.

"YES!" I said knowing that once again I was failing as a parent.

Stupid woman. Stupid Happy Meal! Stupid toys!! Stupid all-consuming consumer culture!!! It is so frustrating to just want to do something nice for your kids only to have it blow up in your face.

I have two new mantras: “Going to McDonald’s is not rewarding for anyone” and “Happy Meal is a misnomer.”

Chick-fil-A

Chick-fil-A
4465 Poplar
901-766-1875

The last time we went to Chick-fil-A was after a failed attempt to go to Mama Fu’s. It is only memorable because Satchel (then age 3) had an “accident” and had to leave the store naked. Since then, every time we drive past, he happily points out the window and says, “Look! That’s where I sharted in my pants!”

After reading the Flyer’s Best of Memphis issue I was a bit awestruck by the winners in the kid-friendly category. Chick-fil-A came in second, right behind Chuck E. Cheese. I didn’t agree with it, but knowing how popular chicken nuggets are among the younger set these days, I couldn’t be too surprised. What I found more alarming was the fact that Chick-fil-A also scored second in the “Best Service” category.

We took a deep breath (and an extra change of clothes, just in case) and made another trip to Chick-fil-A a couple of weeks ago on our way to a birthday party at the Corn Maize. I just had to see for myself.

Once inside, the monkeys (Satchel, now 5, and Jiro, 3) asked if they could go to the playground and we sent them off while we perused the menu. The restaurant was quite full—it actually looked as though someone was having a birthday party there (eek!)—but there was no one in line.

“Hi, can I help you?” the woman behind the counter asked.

“Hi, can I help you?” the man behind the counter asked.

“Hi, can I help you?” the other woman behind the counter asked.

“Uh, yeah…in just a second,” we replied meekly.

Geez, maybe that service award was more well-deserved than I thought.

We ordered 4 piece nugget meals with waffle fries and milk for the kids and chicken sandwich combos for ourselves. Our total bill was $19.88 and I immediately started listing the 500 other places that I would rather spend $19.88 on food.

The monkeys had tired of the playground by the time we ordered, which was good. The food came out very fast and service wise, I had no complaints (other than the fact that they were a bit aggressive with their helpfulness). My sandwich was a wrap and it was cold, which I wasn’t expecting even though I believe “cool” was in the title. Warren seemed to like his chargrilled sandwich.

Both Satchel and Jiro declared the chicken nuggets “gross.” (I think Jiro may have liked them had big brother not made this designation.) Warren theorized that the grossness was probably because they were made from “real” chicken. My guess is that it was the tangy batter. The waffle fries were a hit, as was the milk and the DK birthday party “how to” book that was included in the meal rather than a toy. (I thought the book was okay—a little weird, but not nearly as weird as the Taco Bell book!) I was also impressed by the choice of fancy condiments, which included Texas Pete’s hot sauce.

Like most fast food places these days, Chick-fil-A has incorporated café lighting and the place has a “Starbucks” feel to it. I can’t help thinking all these places—specifically Back Yard Burger, Taco Bell, and Chick-fil-A--are owned by the same corporation, or at least share the same decorator. I like the new feel of fast food restaurants, but the feeling is fading the more I see this “look” done over and over and over.

But whatever, what I really want to know is how they came up with the ridiculous Chik-fil-A name, or more specifically, the ridiculous spelling of that name. (Wikipedia doesn’t know.)

Satchel did of course have to go to the bathroom before we left and Warren reported it was quite nice.



As we walked to our cars Warren asked me if I thought the people inside seemed weird or if that is just what people in East Memphis looked like. I have to say that I am really not sure! There was definitely something strange going on with the birthday party/very dressed up folks inside.

I’m pretty sure Chick-fil-A does a “kids eat free night” on Tuesdays, but Team Oster is going to spend their hard earned bucks elsewhere.

Back Yard Burgers

Ed. Note: Back Yard Burgers no longer offers a Kids Eat Free night.

Back Yard Burgers
3183 Poplar Avenue
901.327.5002

Warren and I found ourselves in need of sustenance at 9:30pm on a Saturday night not too long ago. Considering we’d been cleaning the old house for about ten hours, we didn’t want to go anywhere too fancy. But we didn’t really want fast food either. All of the sandwich options like Kwik Check and Lenny’s were closed, ditto on the Costa Vida/Blue Coast Burrito type places, and we found ourselves in a bit of a pickle.

“Why don’t we just go to the sit down Back Yard Burger by the library?” I suggested. “They stay open late, I think.” (I realize BYB is technically fast food, but it is generally less "Fast Food Nation-y/Super Size Me-ish" than the other places.)

Having never actually been inside of the BYB, we were somewhat stunned upon entry. “Wow, this kind of looks like a Starbucks,” I said looking around at the café type tables, Kandinsky prints, and stainless steel accents. (Not that I’ve actually been in a Starbucks lately, but…)

After we ordered, we sat down in some bar stools at a tall table and watched TV. A few minutes later, the woman behind the counter brought our food to the table. It was weird, but in a good way.

As we ate, we noticed a sign in the middle of the dining room that read, “Every Tuesday and Thursday from 4-10pm is Kids’ Night.” It promised free kids’ meals, balloons, games, and family fun. “We should bring the kids sometime,” Warren said.

The next Thursday we did.

We arrived around 6pm, with my mom in tow, and despite the very full parking lot, we were surprised to see that we were the only people there except for one other family from the kids’ school. The monkeys were excited to see their friend and excited about getting chocolate milkshakes.

Jiro ordered a hot dog meal, Satchel went for the burger meal, I had a buffalo chicken sandwich meal, and my mom and Warren got burgers. I substituted chocolate shakes for the kids’ soft drinks which almost eliminated the freeness factor (the discounted shakes are $1.70, kids meals are $3.29-$3.99). The monkeys live for serve yourself fountain drinks, so in the end, they got a shake and the drinks that came with my meal as well as Warren’s. The drink fountain features caffeine free Root Beer and diet grapefruit Sobe in addition to the usual options. The monkeys went right for the “beer.”

A visit to the restroom to wash hands revealed a changing table, stainless steel fixtures, and an above average level of cleanliness.

Despite there being no games or balloons as advertised, the monkeys were quite taken by the small plastic kids' table, coloring books (but no crayons), and the candy/bouncy ball vending machines. Most of the meal was spent like this:

“Can I have a quarter?”

“Eat your dinner.”

“I want a quarter.”

“Eat your dinner.”

“Can I eat my Rice Krispy Treat now?”

“Eat your dinner.”

“Where’s my milkshake?”

“Eat your dinner.”

“I need more beer.”

“Eat your dinner.”

“Can I have a quarter?”

“Eat your dinner.”

“I’m done, I want candy.”

Jiro was still in his big cast so he was somewhat at our mercy, and the height of the bar stools limited Satchel’s squirming abilities. All of the adults enjoyed their meals, but the kids ate very little actual food. The waffle fries were pretty popular, but the hot dog was not. Satchel ate about half of his hamburger.

My mom and Warren, who weren’t helping out in the milkshake department, ordered cobbler (one peach, one cherry) while the monkeys were allotted two quarters each. By the time the last bite of cobbler was taken, the monkeys (one of them on all fours) were chasing very tiny bouncy balls under the tables and through the woods.

“Okay, I think it’s time to go,” I said as I scooped Jiro off of the floor and into his stroller.

We’ve been back again on a Tuesday with similar results. We enjoyed our food, the kids had fun but fixated on the beer and balls and ate most of their dinner later at home. Warren said the Blackened Chicken sandwich was weird, but Jiro definitely preferred the chicken strips to the hot dog. I requested balloons for the kids.

Taco Bell

Taco Bell
911 Estate
901-767-8384

By noon on Saturday (the very beginning of a three day stretch of rain) the monkeys were restless. Warren was restless. I was restless. And hungry. Somehow between showering and folding laundry, I missed the breakfast boat.

“Let’s just get in the car, run some errands, and see where we end up,” I said after once again lamenting the fact that Memphis is sorely lacking in the fun things to do indoors and family-friendly restaurant departments.

We loaded up and started down Summer Avenue. “Let’s go to Guadalupana!” I said enthusiastically.

“Is that all you do? Think about eating?” Warren grouchily replied.

“Uh…yes?” I said, speechless. I had already suggested the Children’s Museum and been shot down. I even called Pump-it-Up to see if they let people come in off of the street or if it was just for parties. (It was the latter.) What else was there to do besides eat?

“I know, let’s go to a playland!” Satchel (age 4) said from the back.

“Playland!” Jiro (age 2) exclaimed.

I looked at Warren.

“Where is the nearest playland?” he asked.

Sadly, we had had this conversation before. The last time we had it the boys ended up playing in the cold at the Burger King on Union’s outdoor playground.

“Well, there is that Taco Bell on Estate that is supposed to have a nice playground,” I said. “Not that it’s close or anything.”

“Oh, I want a taco!” Satchel cried.

“I want a taco too,” Jiro said.

“Fine,” Warren said as he headed a little south and then east.

As we pulled in to Taco Bell, I was glad to see that the playland was completely indoors and quite substantial. In fact it was in its own glass-enclosed area so that the romping of the children would not interfere with the munching of the adult patrons. Satchel and Jiro were both totally excited by the site of the playland and rushed immediately to the door. “Why don’t you watch them while I order?” I said to Warren.

He agreed, but apparently the monkeys were too shy to enter the playland without their mommy. So they joined me in the queue. I ordered them each a kid’s meal. One with two tacos and one with a burrito. I got a grilled stuffed burrito combo that included nachos and a drink. Warren just wanted a burrito supreme. The monkeys, accompanied by their father, ran to the drink machine and immediately went for the red juice. Yay.

As I waited for the food, I realized that Satchel and Jiro would probably both want nachos when they saw mine. I asked the woman behind the counter if I could substitute nachos for the cinnamon crispas in the kids’ meals, but she said there were no substitutions. I decided to sacrifice my nachos to one monkey and order an extra one for the other. Then as I stood staring at the guys making the food, I realized that I forgot to order Satchel’s tacos without lettuce. I told the woman behind the counter and asked if it was too late. She quickly walked over to the guys doing the prep, and then happily reported that it wasn’t too late. “But we would have remade them for you,” she added.

Crisis averted.

We got our food and headed to the back of the restaurant to see if there were any tables in the play area. “It’s pretty hot in there,” a woman called to us from the other side of the restaurant. We looked over and discovered that the woman was the mom of one of the monkeys’ new schoolmates.

After some introductions and small talk, the monkeys were raring to go. They took a few bites of food then went in to check out the play area with their schoolmate. After a few minutes of playing they would come back for a few bites of food. Lather, rinse, repeat. There were plenty of kids playing and plenty of families eating. I noticed several people without children eating unmolested. I even saw a table of seniors downright thrilled to see so many happy children running in and out of the glass doors.

Warren did some “sit down and eat” reinforcing, but it didn’t do much good. We decided to enjoy our meal and get to know the friendly parents sitting next to us.

“So were you out shopping or do you live near here?” I asked.

“I was going to ask you the same thing!” the mom replied.

Turns out they did actually live nearby, but we did have a few things in common. Namely the fact that our children all had Japanese heritage. Theirs more so than ours. So that was fun.

Once our new friends left, Warren and I entertained ourselves by reading the book that came with the Taco Bell kids’ meals. It’s called Todd and the Talking Pinata Talk Honesty. My first reaction to discovering that the kids’ meals came with a book was, “Cool. That’s so much better than a crappy toy.”

That was before I read the book.

Besides the fact that a talking piñata is one of the main characters of the tale, I found the storyline to be pretty worrisome. Apparently Todd and the Talking Pinata go to the mall to shop. In the Pet Store they debate whether a hamster or a guinea pig is superior until the Talking Pinata gets angry and starts screaming. Ultimately, they are asked to leave the store. Next they debate whether the jeans Todd tries on are too tight at the Jean Store.

I have to type the rest of the text in order for you to get the full effect of the ending:

Todd decided to go with the Talking Pinata’s advice, and so he bought the pants.

The girl at the check-out counter was having a bad day and said something rude the Talking Pinata. Much to his credit, the Talking Pinata didn’t say anything rude back.

“That will be forty-nine dollars for the pants,” said the check-out girl.

Todd gave her fifty dollars. The girl handed Todd his change and he and the Talking Pinata started to leave. Suddenly, Todd stopped.

“Hey, I was only supposed to get a dollar back, but she gave me a twenty-dollar bill back.”

“Serves that nasty girl right. Let’s get out of here,” said the Talking Pinata.

“Talking Pinata,” Todd scolded, “I am surprised at you. You know that’s not right. We should always be honest, not just when we want to be or when someone is nice to us, but always!”

“You’re right, Todd. I am ashamed of myself. I apologize. Let’s go return the money.”

When Todd returned the money, the check-out girl was amazed and thanked him for his honesty. Then, she said she was sorry for the rude comment she had made earlier to the Talking Pinata.

The Talking Pinata accepted her apology and asked her if she liked the hamster or the guinea pig the best. She said she preferred the guinea pig and from that moment the Talking Pinata and the check-out girl became great friends.

What a wonderful day!

The End.

Warren and I just looked at each other in amazement.

“WTF!” I said. “It’s like Taco Bell is prepping kids to give extra money back to their cashiers in the event of a mistake!”

“Yeah even if they are rude,” Warren says.

“Like is this a big problem for them?” I wondered.

But what I really wanted to know was, what did the check out girl say to the Talking Pinata in the first place?? It seems that Professor RH Fuller left out the best part of the story.

(A google search of “RH Fuller” turns up squat, leading me to wonder if his real name is “RU Fuller.” Get it? Heh. A search of “Todd and the Talking Pinata” led to nothing but a transcription of Todd and the Talking Pinata Talk Perseverance in someone’s Live Journal.)

Back to the monkeys. We were eventually able to wrangle them out of the playland and into their shoes. At final count, Satchel ate one whole taco and most of his nachos. Jiro shunned his burrito completely and ate almost all of his nachos. And two cups of red punch. The cinnamon crispas and remaining taco were packed up for later, but never requested. In fact, they may still be in the fridge now.

Oh, and Jiro supplemented his meal by licking the glass door leading to the playground.

Gulp.

I have no doubt that on the next rainy Saturday that comes our way, they will no doubt beg to return to the Taco Bell playland.

Checker's

The unedited "day seven" of Do French Fries Make You Strong?

Checker's
Poplar near Highland

5 cheeseburgers and 5 shakes: $6.68

I noticed the ".69 Cheeseburgers, shakes, hot dogs, Wed & Sun" sign last week after eating at CiCi's. I've never been to Checker's before, but I figured that had to be a pretty good deal. Since I was on the last day of my "kids eat free" week, I hadn't eaten all day, and I just happened to have a car full of kids, I decided to try it out.

"Who wants a milk shake?" I asked the monkeys (Satchel, 4, and Jiro, 2) and their two cousins (Sutton, 6, and Branch, 9).

"Me! Me! I do! Me!" they responded.

"Anybody want a cheeseburger?"

"Yes! I do! Yes! Yes!" they responded.

I pulled up to the window and said, "I'll take 5 chocolate shakes and 5 cheeseburgers."

"I want vanilla," my nephew said.

"Me too!" said my niece.

"And me!" said Satchel.

Before Jiro could chime in, I ammended the order. "Make that four vanilla milkshakes and one chocolate. And five cheeseburgers." I thought for a second. "Make four of those plain. No just ketchup."

"I like ketchup and mustard," my nephew said.

"Okay four with ketchup and mustard and one with everything," I said.

The voice in the box was annoyed and confused, but we got it right.

"Can I have French fries?" my nephew asked.

"There will be no French fries," I said.

I pulled up to the second window and handed over my $6.68. I felt pretty awesome for treating everyone to burgers and shakes for less than $7.00.

The dude handed me the shakes and I immediately began putting the straws in. "It's kind of small," my nephew said.

"Well it's 12oz more than you had a minute ago."

He couldn't argue with that logic. I passed them around, got my change, and put the sack of cheeseburgers on the floor. "No burgers til we get home," I said.

"Why?" they asked.

"Because you will make a mess," I said.

I pulled onto Poplar and headed home. By the time we got to East Parkway, I had finished my shake and was ready for my burger.

"Why do you get to eat yours?" my nephew asked.

"Because I'm the driver," I said.

"Well then you really shouldn't eat it if you are the driver," he said.

Before I could say anything to dispute him, my niece said, "She can drive with her other hand."

"That's right," I said between bites.

When we got in the house, my nephew sat down and ate his burger. My niece said she'd take hers home with her. Satchel said he wanted a hamburger not a cheeseburger. Jiro ran towards the DVD player and showed no interest in eating his. (They had been eating all morning at my mom's house.) So I ate Jiro's and left Satchel's on the table in case he changed his mind, which he did about two hours later.