McAlister's

The unedited "day two" of Do French Fries Make You Strong?

McAlister's Deli
3482 Plaza Avenue
(901) 452-6009

Chicken Caeser Wrap (with fruit) $6.49
Kid's Nacho (Teddy Grahams) $0
Kid's Pizza (Teddy Grahams) $0
2 Kids Lemondade $2.00
1 Water $.25
Total: $9.54

While I stood in line, the monkeys (Satchel, 4, and Jiro, 2) excitedly ran back and forth across the entry way touching the numerous candy dispensers with their filthy paws. They wasted no time letting on that they had escaped from the zoo. "I want a quarter I want a quarter!" was all anyone near the counter could hear. I gave them each a penny and turned my attention toward the task at hand: Free food day two.

The kids' menu offers seven choices: Toasted Cheese Sandwich, PB&J, Mac's Dog (hot dog), Kid's Nacho, Ham & Cheese, Turkey & Cheese, Cheese Pita Pizza. The sandwiches come with chips and everything comes with Teddy Grahams. The actual kids meal prices were pretty fair ($1.19-$2.75), which took a little bit of the fun out of the free-ness. I asked the girl behind the counter if kids ate free on Tuesday (even though the sign was right above her head) and she said, "Uh, I don't know, let me check." After conferring with a few coworkers, she confirmed that kids did in fact eat free on Tuesdays.

I let the monkeys choose what they wanted. I read Satchel the full list and he chose nachos. I gave Jiro two options: pizza or hot dog. He chose pizza. (He was rallying for day two at CiCi's the whole way over.) I had really meant to peruse the menu online before coming, but never did. I didn't have time to read through everything, so I quickly decided on the Chicken Caesar Wrap. The girl at the counter replied, "It's actually kind of good." I wasn't sure if this was a good sign or not. I knew I should probably get something more exciting, like a spud or "The Big Nasty," but the "Come Back" gravy turned me off. I wasn't going to order drinks in an effort to keep the bill as low as possible, but for a brief moment I thought the kids drinks might be free. They weren't.

Satchel yelped that he wanted to sit outside and I acquiesced due to the plethora of candy machines in view of every booth inside. Once I saw the the patio was not enclosed and that it opened up onto a very busy parking lot I immediately wanted to renig. I knew that we'd be lucky to get a few bites in before Jiro made his break.

Our food came pretty quickly. When I looked at Satchel's plate I had a oh my god what was I thinking letting him eat nachos for dinner moment when I realized that the nachos were just chips and dip. I don't know what I was really expecting, but I felt very embarrassed by the reality of the situation. Jiro of course took one look at his soggy pizza covered in blood (as Satchel noted) and went right for the nachos. It was ugly. Finally Satchel agreed to share if Jiro would. As Satchel went for a bite of pizza he said, "ooh fly!" and I shooed it away. Then he said, "I can't eat it now that they fly puked all over it." That's when I noticed the flies attacking my sandwich. I covered it with napkins and inspected my fruit. At first I thought it was fruit cocktail out of a can. Upon further inspection I was happy to see that it was peeled oranges, grapefruit, and grapes. My sandwich was good, but dull as hell. (I just can't get excited about cold dinner--unless it is sushi.)

I ate about half of my food when Jiro broke free from the table. He very slyly pretended to be dancing and enjoying himself before breaking into a full sprint off the patio. I immediately grabbed him, grabbed a to-go box and our three drinks, and got the hell out of there.

RJA also reviewed McAllister's here.