Lenny's

Lenny’s #7
4726 Spottswood
(901) 202-4800

After our massive roadtrip, we didn't eat out for a long while. Last Saturday between getting the monkeys (Satchel, 6, and Jiro, 4) a haircut at Sport Clips and going to a movie at Paradiso, we had a brief interlude at the new Lenny's next to Williams-Sonoma.

I like Lenny's, especially the hot sauce that finally sent me into labor with Jiro, but I hardly ever eat there. It's just not on my beaten path.

As we walked past Lenny's in search of Warren, who was fondling commercial grade baking pans in Williams-Sonoma, Satchel looked in the window and said, "Do they have roaster beef?" Satchel developed a love of "roaster beef" due to the fact that there's a Subway in every Love's gas station from here to Colorado.

"I'm sure they do," I said.

"I'm hungry!" he said.

"Me too," said Jiro.

I called Warren to alert him to our whereabouts and headed to the deli counter. I asked the dude if they had a kid's meal and he said, "Yes, it comes with a sandwich, chips, a drink, and a cookie."

(The Lenny's website makes the kid's meal sound really exciting: The fun begins at Lenny’s with Li’l Lenny and the Global Adventurers! Each kid's meal comes with one of our mouth-watering subs, your choice of chips and a cookie, and a drink, all packaged into an exciting adventure with the Global Adventurers. Ready for mystery and adventure, this team is sure to get to the bottom of every silly situation! Crazy tides, choppy waters and tons of fun are all in a day’s work for these kids!)

"What kind of sandwich?" I asked.

"Turkey & Cheese, Ham & Cheese, Meatball, or Hot Dog," he replied.

"Can we get roast beef?"

He glanced at the dude making the sandwiches and he nodded. "Okay, I'll take two kids' meals with roast beef," I said.

"What do you want on them?" the sandwich-making dude asked.

"Mayonnaise and white cheese," I said after being prompted by Satchel.

It was then that I realized that I never actually asked Jiro if he wanted roast beef too. Over the last few days his appetite had been pretty puny, so I guess I just figured Satchel could eat both sandwiches if Jiro rejected his. In retrospect I probably would have ordered him a hot dog since he generally shuns all lunch meat.

The other dude gave me two smallish re-useable plastic cups with lids and straws and the monkeys and I set off towards the drink machine. These days they both campaign hard for Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper every chance they get. They don't know what "Diet" means, only that Mommy and Daddy drink it so it must be good. They usually try to throw me for a loop by momentarily pretending they want whatever red or blue drink option is available.

I held my guns though and they each got a Root Beer.

Next I let them pick out a bag of chips, which, thanks to the plain white packaging, was pretty painless. BBQ for Jiro; Sour Cream for Satchel.

The dude was busy packing up our stuff in a plastic bag, but I stopped him. "I don't need all of the packaging, just give me the food," I said in a very pleasant voice.

I had ordered it to go since we didn't have much time before the movie, but Satchel really wanted to eat it there. The monkeys ran around the dining area trying out several booths before deciding on the one by the window. I unwrapped the sandwiches, opened the chips, and waited.

Satchel looked at his sandwich and moaned, "It's warm!"

"It's not warm," I said.

"It's warm," he insisted, touching the bread with the palm of his hand.

"The bread is warm," I corrected myself, "but the cheese is not melted."

He does not like the cheese melted.

"Oh," he said grinning then took a bite.

Jiro looked at his sandwich and said, "I'm not hungee."

This is code for, "I'm fine drinking a Root Beer and eating chips."

"Look, it's cut in triangles," I said. "Taste it."

"I'M NOT HUNGEE!"

This is code for "Don't you remember that I scored FOUR lollipops from Sport Clips?"

See why I didn't ask Jiro what kind of sandwich he wanted?

"This is almost as good as Subway!" Satchel exclaimed happily.

A few bites later he changed his mind. "This is better than Subway!"

And then, "This is the best roaster beef sandwich ever!"

"Alright," I said.

Warren came in and sat down with us and immediately started eating Jiro's chips.

"Hey! Don't eat his dinner," I admonished him snarkliy. "Want some roaster beef?" I asked.

"NO!" Satchel wailed. "I want Jiro's too! Save it for me."

"Sorry, Warren," I said. "Hey, we need to get going if we're going to make the movie."

We packed everything up and piled in the car. After the movie was over and we were driving home, Satchel said out of the blue, "You forgot to get our cookies!"

Dangit.

"Go get them!" he commanded.

"I do want to buy that cookie sheet after all," Warren said sheepishly.

"Okay, y'all got to Williams-Sonoma; I'll go get the cookies," I said.

Normally I would not do this, but I wanted half of at least one of those cookies. (Lenny's has yummy giant cookies.)

There were no people dining in Lenny's now and a new dude was behind the counter. "Uh, hi," I said. "I was here earlier and ordered two kids' meals but never got the cookies."

He looked at me only slightly weird and directed me to the sandwich dude. Surely, he'll remember me I thought as I stroked my receipt.

"Uh, hi," I said. "I was here earlier and ordered two kids' meals but never got the cookies."

He smiled and pointed his head at the cookies. "Go ahead," he said.

I grabbed two chocolate chip cookies and high-tailed it out of there. Once we were all back in the car, I opened the cookies and divvied them up. After one bite, I screamed, "%$#@!"

"What?" everyone asked me.

"I got oatmeal raisin instead of chocolate chip."

"Go back!" Satchel suggested.

I took another bite and said in a tiny voice, "No, that's okay."

%$#@!

Post script:

Satchel did eventually eat all four triangles of the two roaster beef sandwiches and I am sure that the next mention of a haircut will include a plea for another sandwich. (Jiro will be content with five lollipops.)

Also, looking at the website I see that we never did get a fun kids' meal bag or stickers. I distinctly remember the dude reaching for a white plastic bag. The website lists the price at $3.95, but my receipt says $4.75. Maybe roast beef costs $.80 extra?