Booches (Columbia, MO)

Booches
110 S 9th St
Columbia, MO 65201
(573) 874-9519

Team Oster hit the road last Wednesday for the tri-annual Oster Family reunion near Yellowstone National Park. The three day drive provided us with the perfect opportunity to pay homage to one of our favorite foodie couples, the Sterns. We've spent many a Saturday morning (or is it Sunday?) listening to them describe what they've been eating on NPR's The Splendid Table. When Warren suggested that we order their Road Food book/bible and try out some of their recommendations along the way, I jumped on it.

The Sterns had several suggestions for St. Louis, but since we planned to do an extended stay in St. Louis on our way home, we flipped the page to Booches in nearby Columbia, Missouri. Booches is actually a pool hall and they only serve burgers (on wax paper), but the Sterns' description was so enticing, we had to give it a try.

Now let me just say that when I go to a new town, my default is to look for a Japanese or Thai restaurant. I don't really get excited about burgers. When we rolled through Columbia's town square (which was much more hip than I expected), I saw a LOT of places I wanted to try. BUT we were on a mission, so we headed to Booches. I had expected it to be on the outskirts of town, but there it was tucked between coffee shops and bookstores, bars and yoga studios.


It was about 5:30pm on a Wednesday so we found the place fairly empty--just one other family was eating at a table by the window and one guy was sitting at the bar chatting with the bartender. The pool tables were covered and I got the distinct impression that things didn't get started until much later. The place had a very masculine feel, which isn't too surprising since it is a pool hall, and at one time it was men only. The walls were decorated with funny signs and clips from the ages as well as sporty memorabilia, just as the Sterns said it would be.

We sat down at a table near the pool tables and tried to figure out what to order. The waitress kindly directed our attention to the menu on the wall and we quickly tried to decide what to order. (Our options: burgers and dogs in various forms.) "Any body want a hot dog?" I asked. Satchel and Jiro shook their heads. "Hamburgers?" I asked. They nodded. "Warren, do you want a chili dog?" I asked innocently. He looked at me with a we're-going-to-be-in-the-car-for-another-four-hours smirk and said, "Do YOU want me to eat a chili dog?"

"Three hamburgers and a cheesburger," I told the waitress.

"They're really small," she said, "So if you are hungry, I'd recommend ordering two."

I took a tally of who was really hungry and only Warren raised his hand, so we ordered one more. She also warned me that they only came dressed with mustard, pickle, and onion. That was fine with our crew. "What do you have to go with them?" I asked.

"Chips," she said.

Both monkeys barked for chips, so I ordered two. Next she asked for our drink order, or maybe she did that first, I don't remember. Regardless the monkeys got water, Warren got a Diet Coke, and I glanced at the bar and asked for a Boulevard on tap.

Once the order was in, it was time to hit the bathrooms. The monkeys and I ventured to the very back of the building where we found the two smallest restrooms of all time. Think toilet in a closet. Twice. Outside one was a small sink, and that was that. I can only imagine what the line looks like on a busy Saturday night.

The monkeys really wanted to mount the pool tables and go wild, but I kept them in check. On our way in Warren had told them very matter-of-factly that the restaurant did not like children. (See the sign above, which although a joke, was just one of many I had read about.) I reminded them that they had to act right or we'd have to leave without our dinner. Somehow this worked.

Back at the table, they polished off their chips, and Warren and I sipped our drinks. Soon we were presented with five hamburgers on small squares of paper. No frills here! They were smallish, but I'd hardly call them sliders. We all wasted no time sinking our teeth in--even Jiro, who had maybe eaten one other hamburger in his life. (Two, tops.) Not bad. Not bad at all. Satchel and Warren polished theirs off with no trouble. Jiro ate half of his before donating it to me. I was full after my cheeseburger, but that didn't stop me from eating it.

Overall. I'd say that they weren't anymore exciting than a burger at Alex's or the Lamplighter. I was underwhelmed. (Or maybe under-intoxicated.) And a little mad at the Sterns. "I hope we don't end up eating a lot of junk on our pilgrimage," I said to Warren, who nodded in agreement. He gets cranky without green veggies. And I get cranky without Asian food!

However, in the Sterns' defense, the meal was cheap. fast, and without incident. I also imagine that should I ever meet someone from Columbia and mention that I've been to Booches, I will have immediate street cred.

The best part of our Road Food journey was just getting to Columbia, which is a darling town. And home to a great ice cream place. Stay tuned!

Paula Deen's Buffet

Thanks to my friend, Wendy, for venturing out to Tunica for a review!

Paula Deen's Buffet
13615 Old Highway 61 North
Tunica Resorts, MS 38664
1-800-WIN-4-WIN

The regular readership of this blog might be wondering why a review of a casino buffet from a Food Network celebrity is being included. Our family decided an invitation from an out-of-town guest to venture down to Tunica for lunch was too spectacular to pass up. So we packed up the group (2 friends from New Mexico who love Paula Deen, my mother, my sister, and my 3 monkeys ages 11, 9, and 1).

I must also preface this review with an explanation that my 2 older kids have a ongoing combination of repulsion and fascination with Paula Deen, one that I'm sure many Southerners could identify with. We were once in the same room with her for a cookbook signing. Running through a local bookstore to get a last-minute birthday gift, we were blocked by lines of mostly over-40 women waiting for her autograph. The boys were struck by the demographic grouped in such close physical proximity. They now like to mock her (“This can't have enough butter, y'all!”) and point out her face whenever we see her magazines or cookbooks. Of course I allow this silliness, just like I like to mimic smokers to underline how disgusting it is. If you haven't viewed Ms. Deen's segment where she builds a brunch burger with doughnuts instead of hamburger buns, go to YouTube ASAP. You will think it's fake (search for Paula Deen heart attack).

So when I broke the news to my 2 oldest monkeys that we were headed to Harrah's Casino, one asked if he could pack his own lunch. I told them we'd approach the whole project as restaurant reviewers. They were warmer then, but I could tell they were working out the hypocritical aspects of dining with guests who idolize Paula. I reminded them it's ok to say “It looks good, y'all!” but not to say “I'm gonna get fat eatin' off this buffet, y'all!” Then Stacey gave me permission to report our findings to DWM and the monkeys were really psyched.


Once we were finally at Harrah's, we had to pass briefly through the casino floor to get to the elevator that would take our stroller upstairs to the restaurant. “Kids, this is what a casino looks like. Note the glamour at 11:30 a.m.” Tweens love sarcasm. Once away from the the smoky, infinite sea of slot machines, we were outside what looked like Ms. Deen's front porch. And she was standing there to greet us. Oops, a double-take made us realize it was just a cardboard cut-out. The longest line we stood in during our excursion was to pay, which you do before entering. Weekday lunch prices are $12.99 for adults, $6.99 for ages 6-10. A family of 4 will drop close to $50 with tax and tip, but we had buy-one-get-one coupons from my mother's recent trip to see Wicked at the Orpheum. Be on the lookout for similar discounts. Once inside the Disney-esque restaurant styled after Paula's Savannah, GA home, there was no wait. It seats 560 people. Once seated (our dining area was the screened-in porch of Chez Deen, so we could see casino guests going to the bar down the hall), we were free to visit the multiple stations. I think there were 6.

Be warned when taking monkeys that the dessert buffet comes first and is in full view from the minute you're greeted to be led to your seats. Might as well let a persistent monkey have dessert first, but if you can persuade your child to eat something else, there is plenty to choose from. The last station is the salad bar, which includes raw veggies and fresh fruit. Not being completely familiar with Paula's signature dishes, I gathered by the labels and display that some items might be made following her special recipes. Still, the monkeys and I just chose what we liked and tried to balance our food groups, which is hard on a buffet this large even for an adult. I chose for our littlest monkey, who is always pleased when there is variety. (Someone has probably analyzed the psychology behind all-you-can-eat buffets—a symbol of the land of plenty, never go hungry again, diners have the choice, primitive humans never ate like this, etc.)


The big monkeys ate their required balanced meal, went back for a few more tastes, then asked, “Have we eaten enough healthy food yet?” Once I gave the nod they were off to the dessert station on their own. Both came back smiling, waffle cones filled with vanilla ice cream in hand. One monkey went back for a visually stunning cupcake, but he didn't finish it due to dryness. Both reported the ice cream melted too quickly but tasted fine. My strategy for sweets felt more like casino gambling. I tried a few small items, judging by sight what might be tasty, but the odds were against me. The mini pecan pie had almost no pecans. The cream puff was dry, it's pudding tasting of chemicals. The gooey butter bars were pretty good. They might have been made on-site. Paula claims them as one of her signature dishes, but my mom makes the same thing using a recipe from a country cousin from Tate County, MS. However, our buffet had an Elvis version, made with peanut butter and bananas, which I passed on.


The biggest pro of any buffet is the number of choices, which can also be its biggest con. We probably only sampled 20% of Deen food on our one visit, so I'll just give you our highlights. The bright spots: collard greens, cheese biscuits, grilled meats, fresh salad bar, gooey butter bars (there are multiple flavors). The low spots: most veggies were swimming in buttery oil, most desserts were less-than-fresh, and many choices were very salty, like the mashed potatoes, shrimp and grits, and fried catfish. If you venture down to Deenland on a different day, you might choose to dive into completely different dishes.

Before you leave you can buy food and gifts from the Paula Deen gift shop, through which you must travel going in and coming out of your dining experience. Luckily 2 male monkeys were only mildly interested in some kitchen gadgets and a shirt that said “Peace, Love, and Butter.” Exit quickly if you have monkeys that don't mix with breakables.

So I left feeling like we'd eaten fake food with a fake Paula Deen at her fake house. However, we kept a sense of humor, we all left full, and no one got an upset stomach later (always a buffet fear of mine). The kids got a view of how Southern food and culture can be fodder for capitalization, which I think they understood on some level. For balance, our next DWM adventure probably needs to be Melanie's Soul Food on Watkins.

Gulf Port Grill

Gulf Port Grill
Mud Island

The Gulf Port Grill is located at the tip of Mud Island, near the "Gulf of Mexico." It's in an ideal location and it's got something no other restaurant in town has--water play out front!



On Saturday the monkeys (Satchel, 7, and Jiro, 5) and I made our annual trek to Mud Island. The whole time we were there, I was thinking back to the Mud Island River Park planning meetings we attended, imaging what things might one day be like. (My mental picture included us on skateboards.)

Our purpose in visiting the island was to check out the new pedal boats shaped like swans, a dragon, and a ship. (The ship is actually beached for whatever reason, so there are only three working boats.) When we got to the "Gulf of Mexico" I went into the Gulf Port Grill to buy our tickets. The woman behind the counter informed me that it would be an hour an a half wait. "Huh" I muttered looking around. The island was definitely bustling, but I didn't see a line forming anywhere near the dock.

"Are you sure?" I asked. She nodded vigorously as a young man came in and announced, "I have two open boats." I looked at him and said, "I'll take one!"

We got right into a waiting swan. (I thought for sure the monkeys would complain that we weren't in the dragon, but they didn't.) I had briefly considered letting the monkeys go it alone (at their request) but once we got close, they chickened out. I don't think they would have been allowed to go without me anyway. As a compromise, I let Satchel steer. In order to do so, he sat in the middle of the boat, right behind the swan's neck. This did not give him the best visibility and our entire ride was fraught with distress as he steered us the wrong way again and again!

Once we finished our ride, the monkeys begged for French fries. I had purposely stuffed them before leaving because I remembered that the food was extremely overpriced on the island. And I could think of a million other places I'd rather eat. However, we were parked at my office near Beale Street and I needed them to have some fuel for the long journey back to the car! I only had enough cash for the trolley, so the verdict depended on whether or not the Gulf Port Grill accepted credit cards.

I ran inside, saw that they took cards, and then went back out to make sure that the wading monkeys really only wanted fries, and nothing else. "Chips!" they said. "Chips and French fries? I don't know about that," I said, but they insisted. In the time it took them to dry off, it seems everyone and their brother got in line ahead of us. "This doesn't look good, " I said. I was ready to pull stakes. "Let's get some food back by the trolley stop," I suggested.

"Please! We want to eat here!" they persisted. They ran ahead and got a bag of chips and sat down at a table while I waited in line. When I was getting close to the front, I heard the woman in front of me request some pedal boat tickets. (Yes the food line and the boat line is the same!) The woman behind the counter told her it would be 30 minutes. She looked at her two small girls and said, "I don't know if we can make it 30 minutes. Let's ride the boats next time, OK?"

I looked at their said little faces and then whispered to her that it probably wouldn't take that long and that earlier the woman had mistakenly told me an hour and a half. (It's only fun for about ten minutes, so everyone finishes early.) She thanked me, and bought her tickets. I watched as she walked right over and got a boat. (I have no idea why the woman behind the counter likes to discourage everyone from riding. It *seemed* like she thought she was doing everyone a favor, but clearly, her concept of time was off.)

As I inched closer, I peeked at the menu. Burgers, chicken tenders, catfish, and fries. Maybe a grilled cheese. When I finally ordered I went ahead and got some chicken tenders, fries, and a Diet Coke since I could tell that it was going to be a long wait. Despite not trusting the woman behind the counter at all, I asked, "How long do you think it will be?"

She responded with, "Oh I can't say." (Was she reading my mind?)

I went back and joined the monkeys for a game of "Eye Spy." As we each took multiple turns, I watched as everyone around me grew extremely impatient. I craned my neck and peekedin the kitchen. There was one woman working as fast as she could, but she just had too many orders.

After about 45 minutes of "Where are the French fries?" my patience ran out. I informed the monkeys that I was getting my money back. This had never happened before in all of our eating adventures. Satchel's eyes lit up. I think he was excited to see it all go down.

I marched over to the counter, waited for the woman to notice me, and then asked for my money back. "Oh, I'm not allowed to do that," she said.

I looked at her and said, "What do you mean you aren't allowed to give me my money back?"

She replied with, "Yours will be right out."

The last order to be called was #2. I was #5. There was a loooong wait between orders.

"No, it won't," I said. "I can't wait any longer."

I couldn't!

She asked me what I had again, then went into the kitchen. Two seconds later she came back with my order. I'm assuming she stole it from someone's else's order, but maybe it really was ready and the woman in the kitchen just needed help?

Appeased, I took the food over to the table. Satchel was disappointed I didn't get my money back, but happy to have his French fries. I was actually surprised to find both the fries and the chicken to be very good--crispy and not greasy at all. Also the portions were large enough for the three of us all to have a decent sized snack. That was some consolation.



Had I ordered ten minutes earlier we could have avoided the whole infinite wait, but I still think the system at the Gulf Port Grill is flawed. And the menu is certainly lacking, along with the staff.

When I saw Kevin Kane and his family walking over the bridge on our return trip, I resisted giving him a mouthful.

I now have something to add to my wishlist for Mud Island River Park: a decent place to eat! (I did notice another restaurant closer to the entrance and it had the word "deli" on the window. I can't imagine it's much better, but maybe it is. I probably won't ever find out for myself.

At the next round of planning meetings, I will put "Jerry's Sno Cones" next to my request for a world class skatepark.

Fuego Maya's (Closed)

Fuego Maya's
4308 Macon Rd
763-3893

Warren and I decided to take the monkeys out for dinner Monday. I consulted my list of places to go and easily convinced Warren that we should try Maya's. I had read the Commercial Appeal's review several months prior, and had wanted to try it. I never knew where it was though, until we finally found Jerry's. (It's right around the corner.)



We arrived right at 6pm, and were one of two tables in the restaurant. The waitress came right over and handed us menus, chips, and salsa, and took our drink orders. The restaurant was not at all like I imagined. It was very crisp and clean and almost had a living room feel to it, despite the spartan furnishings. The kids liked the murals on the walls. The plastic plaid tablecloths made me laugh a little. Everything was perfectly color coordinated!

Warren and the boys went to wash hands while I tackled the menu. Thankfully it was not one of those with the same numbered specials you see everywhere. It was more of the taco, tostada, gordita, huarache variety. However, my eyes immediately zoned in on the bacon-wrapped shrimp.

"I know what I'm getting," I said when Warren returned.

"But that's not even Mexican," he argued.

"Of course it is," I said, not really caring if it was or wasn't.

The waitress was handing out waters as I was interrogating Satchel. "Do you want your usual tacos?" I asked.

"Cheese dip," he said. "I want cheese dip!"

I ordered cheese dip and guacamole and asked for a few extra minutes to decide. Warren was waffling between the chile verde and the chile colorado. Satchel seemed uninterested in tacos, so I talked him into beef taquitos even though it was an adult entree. "It comes with rice and beans," I said. "Okay," he happily agreed. Jiro requested a quesadilla, which I was against on the grounds of it being boring and the fact that he hardly ever actually eats the quesadillas he orders, however, I was hungry and ready to get our order in. Warren noted that there were fish tacos (a la carte) on the menu, so we added one to our already large order when the waitress arrived with the dips.

The waitress sat the cheese dip in front of Jiro. "Hey!" Satchel protested. I switched seats with Jiro and put the cheese dip in the middle of them. Next I moved the guacamole in the middle of Warren and I. Soon everyone was "Mmmmmmmming."

Even though it looked like the standard white cheese dip, it was better. Creamier. Cheesier. Something! The guacamole was fresh and delicious. And the salsa was very fresh and flavorful too. I would have preferred it a bit spicier, but overall it was excellent. Warren noted that it was warm and not cold, which was a sign of its freshness. The chips too were warm and fresh. (The waitress was quick to notice when we were getting low and brought us more.)

Thankfully our food arrived before we could completely gorge ourselves on chips. Everything looked great--and eerily similar. I guess the large serving of rice & beans on everyone's platter explains that. (Actually when I noted how many beans there were, Warren responded, "They are very flat, so it looks like more than it is." Just sayin.)

Jiro requested a spoon for his rice, Satchel stuck his finger in his serving of sour cream, and we were off! I was very impressed with how neatly they wrapped the bacon around my shrimp. My only other experience with this concept is the bacon-wrapped stuffed shrimp at Cafe Ole. This dish wasn't quite as indulgent, but it was good. It came with tortillas and I liked eating the shrimp in taco form. I was just sad that we had already eaten all of the cheese dip. I would have liked to pour it on top!

Jiro took a couple of bites of his quesadilla, but said he didn't really like it. (For some reason there was meat in it.) I asked Satchel if he would share his taquitos and he did. (Jiro ended up eating two out of the three, but Satchel didn't care. He happily stuffed himself on rice & beans (and sour cream). I made a mental note to get Jiro taquitos next time. I had a taste of Warren's chile verde and it seemed very nice. Warren was happy with it, so we were 4 for 4. (Okay, technically 3 for 4 since Jiro snubbed the quesadilla.) The fish taco never showed up, but we were okay with that since we were getting quite full and it was obvious that we were going to have a lot of leftovers.

The monkeys were surprisingly well-behaved. They were hungry and we had a constant stream of food, so all was good. The only thing that raised Warren's hackles was Jiro taking off his shoe, thrusting his foot at me, and pleading for me to remove a splinter that had suddenly started to hurt mid-meal.

The monkeys did start roaming around a bit as we waited for the check. I looked over my shoulder and realized our waitress was sitting behind the cash register, so I went over to her to pay. As she rang everything up, I had a sudden panic attack. I just that second remembered that the CA review noted that it was cash only. I never have cash! Desperate I scanned the windows for a VISA/MC sign, and lo and behold there was one. Score!

Our total bill was $42.49, which was a bit high, but considering the cheese dip, guacamole, Satchel's non-kids meal, and my seafood dish, it wasn't too bad. While at the register I noticed a tray of "Mexican Candy." Essentially it was figs, sliced pineapple, and papaya covered in sugar. It looked really pretty and tasty. "Next time we'll save room for that," I said.

And off we went into the sunset.

The Inn at Hunt Phelan

The Inn at Hunt Phelan
533 Beale St,
525-8225‎

On Mother's Day I had two requests: 1) Having brunch at Hunt Phelan and 2) seeing Star Trek. I made my requests a little late, so we ended up with a 2:30pm reservation. (Brunch normally runs from 11am-3pm.) This actually ended up being perfect since we (Team Oster plus my mom, my sister, and my neice) practically had the place to ourselves.

The innkeeper & chef, Stephen Hassinger, has two children who go to school with the monkeys (Satchel, 7, and Jiro, 5), and believe it or not, he cooks lunch for the whole school every day! (Yes, he's our Lunch Daddy.)

When we walked in, Stephen greeted us at the door and I told him how excited the monkeys were to finally eat at "Mr. Steve's restaurant." Of course the monkeys, pretending to be shy, were hiding behind Warren looking rather sheepish. "Their excitement is palpable," Stephen joked.

There were several happy families finishing up their meals and making their way out, so I definitely did not feel weird about bringing a troupe of monkeys to such a nice restaurant. (Unfortunately, it was a very cloudy and rainy day which kept us from getting to explore the lovely gardens in back or even sitting on the patio.)

We were seated in the main dining room and with just a few minor tweaks, got everyone next to who they wanted to be next to.


Satchel immediately started reading the menu. "I want eggs. And hashbrowns. And bacon!" he said. His cousin similarly started listing her demands. Jiro, who was exhausted from a sleepover the night before, put his head in my lap and said he didn't want anything. (Normally this would alarm me, but I knew he just needed some coaxing.)

Our very peppy waitress came over and introduced herself as Kathleen, but quickly added that if we didn't like the service, her name was Bernard. She was great and quickly got everyone's drink orders. The kids had either apple or orange juice, and the adults decided to live it up with one of the many $9 specialty beverages listed on the menu. I had my first ever Mint Julep, my sister had one too, my mom had a Bellini, and Warren had a Sazerac.

Next we had the great food debate. Everything sounded so enticing, I was glad that we had a big group. We all planned to taste each other's. In honor of my big day, I decided to order my first ever shrimp and grits (an appetizer) and the smothered beef brisket. (Although looking back I'm not sure how I passed up the crawfish omelet!) My mom ordered a pan roasted seabass, my sister the grits and grellades, and Warren the roasted red pepper, spinach, and smoked gouda quiche. Kathleen suggested breakfast samplers for the kids, which was great. Jiro insisted he only wanted eggs, and my niece also wanted a bagel with cream cheese.

One could easily spend a fortune on brunch--and we willingly did, but with a little planning and cooperation from the monkeys involved, you could have a lovely meal for a reasonable amount. (A la carte menu items for the kids are in the $2.50-$3.50 range. Appetizers range in price from $9-$14. Entrees are $15-$24.)

We had a lovely time chatting as we sipped our drinks and the monkeys were very well behaved. The food came out quickly and soon everyone was happily eating. The shrimp and grits was my favorite. I can't believe I waited so long to try it! (Although other versions I've had since, pale in comparison.) Overall, everyone seemed quite happy with their food. We all traded bites and there was hardly a crumb left when we were done.

The kids did get a little restless towards the end of the meal, so we sent them outside for just a bit between cloud bursts. My mom, who plans imaginary weddings as a hobby, went too and was thrilled to finally get a peek into the backyard.

Once we were paid up, Kathleen humored us and snapped a few photos in front of the fireplace. The only snafu we experienced was the toilet in the lady's room that was, uh, clogged, and dangerously close to overflowing. Despite that minor detail, we had a fabulous time and definitely plan to go back on a sunnier day.

(The Hunt Phelan also offers dinner Wednesday-Saturday 5-11pm and has ten beautiful guest rooms. It's also a great place to have a drink before heading downtown.)